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Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thank you & Have a Nice Day

With a multi-ethnic family, we get a lot of comments. Some kind, some overly kind and some, well... exhausting. I do feel that my children have been called to this place for this time. It is the aspect of adoption rarely touched upon by social workers. Often they make you feel as though your culture/country/family is something you are imposing upon your child. But from a biblical world view, we know this is far from the truth. We know that God chose these children to be our children. We did not choose adoption or our children. We followed where God led. We know that God is going to show His glory through our families. We are all called to be missionaries, to buck man's ideas and stand for His truth. I guess my family just sticks out more as such.

Knowing that, I try to prepare my heart when we go out. It is not some huge thing, but I do think, we may get some questions.....how will I respond to glorify Christ and possibly redirect or educate when necessary. Without fail someone will pose something in such a way as to catch me off guard. The latest one-almost daily commented to me-is, "They are so well adjusted." Why do people say that? It is like "I've heard how those older kids can be and yours aren't caring on like banshees." Usually, they have spoken to them for a minute or observed them from a distance. What I want to say is umm, yeah right. Drop by some time and see if you don't catch screams bellowing from our house. But I don't. Depending on the person, I say everything from "thank you" to a full explanation of Mommy-shopping. I want to protect my children's privacy. I also want to protect them from people setting expectations that they are not ready to meet. (play dates, hugs, socially appropriate behavior). I also want to be honoring in my responses. As I thought about it tonight, I realized something God prepared my heart for. Our adoption was long. Very long. And people would always ask, when are they coming?? I would always say, "Everyday is a day closer. We are trusting God will bring them home." Now I know my response. "Not yet. But everyday is a day closer. We are trusting God will heal their hearts and bring them Home."

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Until someone has walked in your footsteps, they can't understand your situation. Nor should you expect them to.
During my long stuggle with infertility, I lost count how many people asked me when my husband and I were going to start trying to have a child. I would get so mad, but then I remembered prior to my struggle, I had no idea that asking that was insensitive. It would never have occured to me that asking that question or a similar one to be invasive, personal and insensitive. On the rare occasion that I would say more than "oh when God gives them to us", I would get the most ridiculous comments. Everything from "Oh well you should be thankful for what you do have" to "at least you have your dogs".

Sure there was the occasioal person that was actually rude, but most people are just trying to show compassion or empathy, even if they haven't a clue how to do that.

Mary said...

great post! I tend to feel that wall going up just thinking about the "comments" that our family will get when our little man comes home. i totally believe what you said about God choosing our families. I just don't see it any other way. The part I need to work on is remembering to glorify Him in my responses to other people's curiousity or maybe even ignorance. :-)

Brenda said...

I just answer "Thank you." to that comment. My desire is for them to have the behavior this person is observing more of the time. I should be glad for I get it and not guess at my kids motives while they are doing it.

Simply Moms said...

Anon-That must have been so hard. Dogs?? I know they didn't mean to wound, but sometimes those comments stay fresh for a long time.

I completely agree. I cannot imagine the foolish things I said before walking this road. I try and keep that in mind, too, and pray God gives me the grace to answer gently even when it hurts.

Simply Moms said...

Mary, you are gentle and loving....I know you will be to others too

Simply Moms said...

Brenda-yes, yes, yes! I guess it is moments where people then think I am crazy when I don't then let them do things other children are able to do.

Brenda said...

I have no problem with people thinking I am crazy. Maybe I am . Bwahahahahah (evil laugh)

Simply Moms said...

Ugh-Brenda-I needed to hear your evil laugh....it reminded me I cannot please men in this journey. Thank you!