tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post7073043611478456197..comments2023-09-07T05:56:34.132-07:00Comments on Attaching Hearts: Textbook-detailSimply Momshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-44806394995896499062008-12-03T07:52:00.000-08:002008-12-03T07:52:00.000-08:00That's a great definition, Julie.That's a great definition, Julie.Simply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-28281071622942224182008-11-03T13:09:00.000-08:002008-11-03T13:09:00.000-08:00Dawn,defining love...I've always cherished Tim Kim...Dawn,<BR/>defining love...<BR/>I've always cherished Tim Kimmel's definition...<BR/>Love is the committment of my will to your needs and best interest regardless of the cost. <BR/><BR/>:)JulieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-43360022534957387112008-10-28T22:03:00.000-07:002008-10-28T22:03:00.000-07:00Kiara I do think it is good that they ask. Even i...Kiara<BR/> I do think it is good that they ask. Even if it is a survival technique. It is more socially appropriate than manipulating, stealing, etc. <BR/>I also think it is important to know who they are seeking out to meet those needs in identifying where their hearts are at.<BR/>CSimply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-34448731796830078492008-10-28T22:02:00.000-07:002008-10-28T22:02:00.000-07:00Thank you for your reply, Dawn. Great points for ...Thank you for your reply, Dawn. Great points for me to think on more. <BR/><BR/>Although there are many red flags in general, I can't help but see it as a positive sign that the older one does ask for what he needs. He just needs SO much -- reassurance, constant affection, etc. But I need to remember that it's a big deal that he asks, and I need to handle him with grace and love even when it's driving me crazy. When parenting hurting children, it often feels like their love banks have major holes in the bottom. But our job is still to fill them, love them, pray for them, and teach them. May God give us all wisdom, patience, and much grace! And may He begin to fill in those holes....Andy and Kiarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106099721471687721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-73235352345755453582008-10-28T19:06:00.000-07:002008-10-28T19:06:00.000-07:00Kaira,I know a few adults w/RAD issues. They would...Kaira,<BR/><BR/>I know a few adults w/RAD issues. They would rather die than ask for their needs to be met. Every single thing they do is a test. Do they or don't they love me? I will not make my needs known....but when they disappoint me....because my unexpressed needs have not been met....which they eventually will do....I am justified in my worldview that I can trust nobody but myself. <BR/><BR/>This is the ultimate sign of distrust. Sin speaking this equals....PRIDE.<BR/><BR/>I can do it on my own. I will pull myself up by my own bootstraps etc. That is the M.O. of an adult/child w/RAD.<BR/><BR/>I can't help but to think that it is a good sign when a person struggling with attachment issues opens their heart up enough to ask. They are putting themselves on the line.<BR/><BR/>Unless of course....they've learned how to manipulate the system and their heart really isn't in it. <BR/><BR/>And, who knows our hearts, but the Lord?<BR/><BR/>As Christ followers, we must respond to the unverbalized needs and verbalized needs of RAD individuals with Christ's love. <BR/><BR/>He meets the needs and speaks the TRUTH in LOVE.<BR/><BR/>When we fail....which we do often....the Spirit brings us to a place of repentance. <BR/><BR/>Dawn<BR/><BR/>Here's the test before us....<BR/>Define Love.Simply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-86880029407852513102008-10-28T18:52:00.000-07:002008-10-28T18:52:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Simply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-58537973702683251342008-10-28T18:36:00.000-07:002008-10-28T18:36:00.000-07:00angelia: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though it's not f...angelia: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though it's not funny....in a funny sort of way. I would have gone CRAZY w/out your transparency early on. <BR/><BR/>Dawnfamilygregghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06288666767408425096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-91615017923948895822008-10-27T21:44:00.000-07:002008-10-27T21:44:00.000-07:00I agree! Example #3 is classic with our 2 foster k...I agree! Example #3 is classic with our 2 foster kiddos. We respond with comments like, "Hmmmmm...." or "That's nice" or "Me, too!" (not mocking, just acknowledging what they said). They will eventually ask for what they need if prompted or once they remember that we will just wait until they ask for what they need/want. Is that an okay response? Does that mean lesser attachment issues since they eventually ask? Or does it just mean they are learning to survive in our home? :)Andy and Kiarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106099721471687721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-60506880716159536412008-10-27T15:39:00.000-07:002008-10-27T15:39:00.000-07:00p.s. I wish I had cotton candy.p.s. I wish I had cotton candy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-63003530769656146092008-10-27T15:38:00.000-07:002008-10-27T15:38:00.000-07:00Just a moment ago, this happened.Kid: "You g...Just a moment ago, this happened.<BR/><BR/>Kid: "You guys are going to Books-a-Million?"<BR/><BR/>Me: "I'm not. _______ is while I'm next door at a meeting."<BR/><BR/>Kid stands there. Keeps standing there. Finally opens her mouth and says.....<BR/><BR/>"I wish I had a book from books-a-million."!!!!!!!!!!<BR/><BR/>Here's a scenario.<BR/><BR/>You're at the circus. Barnum & Bailey's all three rings. In one circle, elephants are doing back handsprings. In another circle, a trapeze artist is swinging and juggling fire batons all at once. In the third ring, clowns have erupted into a free-for-all fight, red noses and 3-foot shoes flying all over the place. All your children are staring with their mouths open that this can all be happening. Except there is the one kid, who will notice none of it. All because one row down and three to the left, someone is tearing off handfuls of cotton candy and putting it in their mouth. This kid's mouth hangs open for a completely different reason.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-8321947883322948952008-10-27T14:27:00.000-07:002008-10-27T14:27:00.000-07:00I'm not a mom, but I came across this blog and had...I'm not a mom, but I came across this blog and had to laugh. Because God has sent me hearts. I just wrote a recent blog about it. It's called, "The Beats." Read it, maybe you can relate! <BR/><BR/>http://www.sheenachristine.blogspot.com/Sheena Christine Westhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00398111218936518163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-69660827696396698022008-10-27T14:19:00.000-07:002008-10-27T14:19:00.000-07:00Ang-yes!! That is exactly what I was talking about...Ang-yes!! That is exactly what I was talking about last week. Don't you feel a bit less crazy that everyone says the same thing?? It is comforting to me when my girlie says something like that and everyone else jumps in and says, Why do they do that? Or mine has her own little script, too! Glad you can keep a sense of humor!!Simply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-14403324487939759872008-10-27T14:17:00.000-07:002008-10-27T14:17:00.000-07:00Brie-We'll compile our strategies and post them to...Brie-We'll compile our strategies and post them tomorrow.Simply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-12305508828179834792008-10-27T14:08:00.000-07:002008-10-27T14:08:00.000-07:00Kathy-yes, the lies are crazy but she USUALLY conf...Kathy-yes, the lies are crazy but she USUALLY confesses quickly. Thankfully. And they rarely act alone. So the other 2 usually rat her out. ;)Simply Momshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17929798173026685014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-43378105836058326652008-10-27T12:23:00.000-07:002008-10-27T12:23:00.000-07:00Oh my gosh! Like a zillion times! "What's that y...Oh my gosh! Like a zillion times! "What's that you're eating?" "I like _____." "I wish I had ______." <BR/><BR/>It's become a joke in the family. Another child comes in and says, "What's that you're eating," then laughingly goes through the script.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-27193215806432115652008-10-27T12:19:00.000-07:002008-10-27T12:19:00.000-07:00thanks for posting your textbook examples. they r...thanks for posting your textbook examples. they remind me that i'm not alone in all of this, and other's are experiencing the same behaviors!<BR/><BR/>the third example - regarding never asking for something, but continuously commenting on something. why do they do this?? my rad does this constantly, and drives my husband and i insane - any insight? thanks!Briehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06312061337776021663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-798694018214858665.post-66516224513138910882008-10-27T05:01:00.000-07:002008-10-27T05:01:00.000-07:00At least she admitted to giving the haircut rather...At least she admitted to giving the haircut rather than standing there with scissors in her hand saying it couldn't be her.Kathy Casselhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02886511489428522492noreply@blogger.com