Girlie has gotten very good at identifying her feelings. It's taken a long time. She's had much practice.

Me: Yes, yes...so and so is true. You did do that. But I do not believe it is because of such and such like you are saying it is.

Multiply this scenario by 100 million times.... plus more....then some more. This is some of what life over the last 10 years has been like.

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We are currently in a good place.

Girlie: I did such and such because.....

This is when she is met w/my "don't even try to go there w/ your lame nonsense excuses..."all knowing/baloney detector" lOOk.....


Girlie: (loooooooooong pause)..............

....after a few minutes in a quite place to ponder..........

Girlie: I was feeling like I was going to blow it...(chuckling at herself)... so I blew it...(then realizing)...yeah ummm....that didn't go so well.

or

Girlie: I was worried because I knew you were going to read my essay and I didn't want to do a re-write which I knew you would make me do...(then realizing)....which of course I had to do so why not just do it w/out the drama?

or

Girlie: I had a lot to do and I was scared I wouldn't finish...(chuckling at herself)...which is what happened because I dragged it out and caused drama....which obviously didn't work for me at all.

or

Girlie: I know they think I'm the center of attention all the time (chuckling at herself)...so I acted like the center of attention...(then)...aaaaaaaand...obviously that didn't go so well and I proved them right.

Again, slow and steady.

Consistency.

Love in Central Park

Hell on Earth

UPDATE:

Things are better. Downward spiral lasted 7 hours.

Better than 7 days :)

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That was our day today. Hell on Earth.

Children Underground

Depending on where your kid/s have come from...or are at...this may be a good film to watch as a family. It opened the door for lots of conversation over here.


"It's sad. It's not fun to see. It's not enjoyable. It's a horrible state. I feel bad for those kids. I would hate to be like that. I'm glad I live with you guys. I feel really thankful to have you guys. I wish that could happen to them. I'm praising the Lord that I have you guys. I'm glad that I have protection and discipline...because that shapes you, you know?" Girlie 1

"I can't explain it in words. If I talk, I'll cry." Girlie 2

The Lord appears to have used this film in softening/opening hearts.

It's raw. It's harsh. It's authentic.

Real Tears

Last nite we watched My Sister's Keeper. Not my favorite film...for a few reasons...mostly worldview stuff...but that's a whole different story.

The reason My Sister's Keeper will remain in my memory is what I want to talk about here.

I'm a crier. My husband is a crier. We have no problem showing our emotions.
There we were in the den...us...our three daughters and a family friend...all crying at the end of the film.

ALL crying. Tears flowing.

Even GIRLIE!!!!!!!

That was a first. She has never ever cried while watching a film before. What she used to do was sit staring at us blankly as if we were crazy people for crying.

What she did last night was shed appropriate tears while coming to me for comfort. She wanted hugs while agreeing with me that "the story was sooooooooooooooooo sad."

HUGE.

Baking Love

my daughter did this accidentally with her tongue. :)

Ask the Lord

Through all the ups and downs. Through all the turmoil and heartache...through every single monstrous moment of hell on earth where rejection & loneliness tempt to reign....there has been a deep connection. A connection on my end...that keeps me closely tied to the one who seems to reject me. I remember telling a girlfriend once..."I love all of my kids. All of them. But, this one....there is a special place in my heart for this one."

If you do not have a special spot...ask the Lord to give you one. He is able. He is faithful to provide.

Here's the hard question:

Are we hardening our own hearts towards this child?

Repost / The Long Haul

I felt led to repost

Great Attachment Website

UPDATE:


For me...the discovery of this site was exactly what I needed at the time. Learning about the subtypes was eye opening and helpful...especially when dealing with individuals who don't necessarily fit into what the world "thinks" RAD looks like.

They've made some changes over time...to their website...going deeper with explanations etc.

Thumbs up.

Dawn
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This website has come up several times on various blogs and sites recently. I think it is very practical and concise. It was encouraging, too, because some of the concepts or tips were new and some were things we've done because the Lord revealed those things in the moment. (e.g. we very clearly talking about family behavior vs. orphanage behavior). Still picking through it and thought if you haven't seen it yet, you would like it.

Attachment Disorder Maryland

Happy New Year

Okay...here's my wisdom 10 years in:

Slow and steady wins the race....put one foot in front of the other...never EVER give up...husbands & girlfriends are necessary...two steps forward one step back...today is a new day...fear not...repent...forgive.

Buckle Up

Merry-go-round...roller coaster...whatever.

Let's buckle our seat belts and enjoy the ride...cause we're on it.

Merry CHRISTmas!

I was wrapping presents and thinking of each of you. Is peace and joy flowing through your home? Not so much? Us either. But it is not what it was last year. There has been growth. She has enjoyed almost every night of advent with us this month! Wow! But the wounds are deep still and the rages seem louder the last few days. Although I do not think all triggers are holidays or big events or that all kids that are spiraling are doing so because of Christmas, I do think the added commotion and lack of schedule and anticipation do compound the wounds are their hearts..... or maybe we are more distracted and less therapeutic? I know for me it is hard to say no to all of the little things I think will add to their experience of the season. I think there can be deep moments and traditions that let the chaos the world tempts us with settle beyond the doorstep. I am striving more this year than last to seek out those moments. Warm cocoa, family quilts, books, soft lights of the tree, cookies baking, candles burning. Simple joys to bring simple peace. And let us--and I speak more to myself than anyone-- seek it in our own hearts. Take the time for stillness. For your own quiet. Take our own warm happiness in your favorite mug by the tree. Reflect. Imbibe. He is good. He loves you, His daughter. He is working out these hurts though it may not always feel that way. He knows the work, the stress, the anguish, the deep valley you feel you are in. He knows. He loves. I cannot see that Babe in a manger without remembering the sacrifice and purpose for which He came. What a great reminder to my soul that He created my child on purpose for a purpose and wants me to help Him love her soul for that great purpose. To Christ alone be the glory! Forever and ever. Merry CHRISTmas!

Ideas for the Home-Educator and others :)

Trying to home-educate all the kiddos in your home....while one of them in particular (or more than one in some cases)tries their hardest to make life all about them all the time?

Here are a few ideas/tools we have used in our home over the years:


Buy your child an ipod and let him/her listen to music of your choice. Good stuff.

Give her crayons...colored pencils and markers w/a sketch pad. Design for her a still life set up and instructions that she is to create her version of that scene.

Place her in a spot where you can see her and she can see you.

Call it "Independent Music & Art Study."

Focus on the other kids. Get done what you need to get done.

If you are not done w/ what you need to get done and she is done w/her still life...hand her a pair of scissors and a stack of scrap paper. Instruct her to cut 25circles....25squares...25 rectangles 25 triangles etc.

Call it "Math."

If you are not done w/what you need to get done...instruct her to color the shapes...circles red...rectangles yellow etc. Have her paste them onto a poster board in patterns w/a glue stick. Make sure she is not eating the glue stick :)

Call it "Cross Curriculum Math/Art Activity."

Should get you through a morning.

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Try puzzles and tannegrams. They require focus and help w/logical thinking...planning...cause and effect thinking.

W/the ipod...of course.

Let her chew gum (sugarless.) In fact...buy packs and packs of gum and let your child be in charge of how much she is chewing (especially as she matures.)

She will feel very powerful..."and have no idea that you are pulling an idea from your therapeutic toolbox.

When she completes a puzzle or successfully works a tannegram sheet...take a photo of it and make a book of the images....so she doesn't carry a wound when her attempts are dismantled and put away.

Hook rugs...needle point...cross stitch etc. Good for concentration and fine motor too.

Knitting...chrocheting...lacing toys for younger ones.

I like Dover coloring books because they require concentration.

http://store.doverpublications.com/

Also, you could put on a ballet or exercise dvd and have her "take a class" in the living room.

Trampoline first thing.

Jump rope first thing.

Swing first thing. (Do lessons at the park...take frequent swing breaks.)

A few laps around the cul-de-sac first thing.

Swimming laps first thing.

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I'm searching my mind for what else we have done...

Rubik's Cubes are good and those old fashioned math squares...where you have to move the #'s around 1-10...to get them in order. Geoboards and rubber band balls are good things to have lying around. You could keep them all in one place...like in a plastic shoe box.

Bead work is good.

I guess the point is to try and get her interested in something and focused before downward spirals begin.

Things sure seem to go downhill once the spiral ignites.

Easier said than done, I know.

And, many times...impossible.

Burn candles (we have them going almost all the time) to facilitate a calming effect. If it doesn't calm your child...it may calm you :)

Please add to the list any ideas which work for you and your family.

Find My Family

Anybody else dreading this ABC show? Even the commercials....we find ourselves trying to avoid.