Piece by Piece

Our adopted/foster kids have come to us because someone else "left them"...  "abandoned them" ... didn't want them".... "rejected them"..."chose not to parent them"..."couldn't care for them"...'they were taken away" ..."their parents were taken away"...."they were unloved"..."they were/are unlovable"....


Lots to process.

Loving Well

This article.

I'll always remember this moment w/ fondness.

The kind lady at Park Day who kindly came over to tell me that my child was "under the slide going potty."  The kindness in her eyes.  Burned into my mind.

And this one. 

The group of home-educating moms who helped me search for a different child of mine who had wandered off at the Zoo Field Trip.  She was later found ...not at the bottom of the lake THANK GOD, but in the playground area...oblivious to the panicked state her mother was in.

There was the time a dear friend of mine...my child's co-op teacher came to me and tenderly let me know that my child was biting her toe nails.  In class.

And the dear friends who got over their frustration when my kid blew out their kid's birthday cake candles.

I've got a million stories that would give you an idea of the sorts of friends the Lord has provided us with over the years....those who loved us or at least tried to loves us through the hard days and seasons.

Of course, there are stories and examples of those who didn't love so well.  I choose not to focus on those ones.  

Those who forgive much have been forgiven of much.  

 A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

Dear You Know Who You Are,

 Dear......,

Your rejection has been painful.  It has been difficult to process.  I want you to know that your choice to self protect in no way lessens my love for you or weakens my commitment to you.  I understand it.  I am strong enough in the Lord to handle what is not easy to handle on my own.  I've tried.

If and when you decide to allow the walls to come down...to be vulnerable... to open yourself up to an authentic and reciprocal relationship...I will be here.  Waiting while never losing hope.

Love,

Me

Is it me?

I believe this piece speaks to the hearts of mom's and dad's and siblings and extended family and friends living with the reality of attachment struggles.

This

Oftentimes, the struggle reveals more about us than we'd like to think or admit to.

I've written about it before....somewhere down in the long list of posts over the years.

The bottom line....


.....Is it me?

Actually LOVE

This article.

And sometimes...us Christian parents/families dealing with attachment issues get into a rut...a bad rut.  A space where the reality of the difficulties before us overtakes the Lord's instructions to speak the truth in love.  To  actually love.


Unglodly habits are formed and hard to break.  And they are easy to justify. 

The bottom line...sometimes what others see as unloving...actually is loving. 

And sometimes...it actually isn't.  

Forgiveness

Forgiven people are forgiving people.

Matthew 6:14-15
Acts 3:19
Daniel 9:9

Play the Man

THIS ARTICLE

Going a step further....

Those inside the church who adopt have a responsibility to live humbly, transparently, and authentically within their communities.   JUST like every other member of Christ centered-communities.

People are watching.

They want to know how this supernatural thing known as adoption plays out in reality.  On a day to day basis.  Long term.

JUST like younger couples want to know how the heCk they are supposed to make it to their Silver or GOLD! Wedding Anniversaries without running out on or killing their spouses.

Or JUST like young parents want to know how to make it through difficult stages of parenting without pulling out their hair while losing their WHAT WERE WE THINKING????!?!??!?  minds.  

It is not okay to adopt...send out Christmas cards with smiling faces once a year and that's it.  

Sorry, adoptive parents.  If you have a problem with this...you might have some unresolved issues that need to be worked through.  

Share the joys.  Share the pain.  Share the challenges...the struggles...the failures.  Share the victories.  Share the fears.  Share the unexpected discoveries.  All for the glory of the Lord.

People are watching.

And you have information that they NEED to know.  Your siblings need to know.

(I'm sure you can find a way to share info in an honoring way.) 

You might not want the platform...but you've got it.


Play the man.

Removed Part 2

Forever Friend

I don't have much time these days.... it seems.... to write here on the blog as much as I used to.  But I do have time enough to link to pieces I find informative.

This is really good.

Somewhere down there in the posts is a post or a few posts where I discuss the importance of friendships/relationships/community.

Christians we are called to help carry one anothers' burdens.  This is one way we can do that.

We were asked to pray for the adopted child of  friends of ours.  More than the normal prayers we lift for the children of our friends...we were very intentionally ...invited into the delicacies of this particular story...with all of it's highs and lows ...twists...turns...stalls and and intimacies.   We will continue to love on this family and this child in any way we are able until the story is over.

And we hope that others are doing the same for our kids.

Be Kind To Yourself / Andrew Peterson

this video...

Do You Treat Your Neighbors Better Than You Treat Your Kids?

Our kids are our neighbors.   

Link

Let THAT sink in.

If you have failed in this area...God already knows.  Your spouse knows.  Your kids know and most likely...your neighbors know.

If they don't know...they have suspicions.  (They can hear the screaming.)

Repent.

Turn.

Pursue righteousness. 

Parents / Secondary Trauma

This article. 

Baby Wearing

This article.

Important for all mothers.  Especially important for adoptive mothers... if possible.

Reminded me of this post on Depression.  

PTSD as a result of RAD in the home

If "RAD" symptoms can be compiled into a common list of sinful reactions to early childhood neglect...and our sinful reactions to it can be compiled in a common list of manifestations ....

....maybe we all understand one another better than we think we do. 

PTSD in RAD parents.

Voddie (Experience ) & Wall Building

The Holy Spirit  repost.