Broken You

This message.

The Gift of Friendship / Guest Blogger / Galilee

My mom and I have had many conversations about what true friends are.

About the authenticity of a friend and the honesty of a friend.  How real friends don't put up facades.   A facade is having a fake personality when you don't want others to know the real you. I'm kinda in the midst of dealing with the fact that I struggle with putting up facades.  I am trying to break down the walls I put up.  My mom found a friend quote that says, "A friend is someone who can see the truth when you're fooling everyone else." I have friends who can read right through me when I think I am fooling them.   Some friends are quiet and patient with me and I appreciate that.  One in particular has been through thick and thin with me.  She always points me to the Lord.  Love her for that.  Some are bold truth tellers and call me out on my sin.  I recently experienced someone who wasn't a family member...read me like a book. This person has high discernment and is a bold truth teller.  I consider this person to be a true friend.  This person isn't satisfied with the "fake me."  At first I felt trapped by the questions being asked and very exposed. Then I realized that sometimes the truth needs to come out hard.

The Lord is graciously working through faithful family and friends by having them push me into hard places.  I am also sitting under Godly teaching about Friendship at my church and Bible Group. I am being convicted of my fake personality.  I am truly grateful for all the true friends God is providing for me.  

Psalm 84:11 / Guest blogger Galilee

Last week I went outside of my parents protection sneakily by trying to find out how I could get online information about my birth mother.  My mom figured me out instantaneously.  However, she didn't tell me she had me figured out.  She told me to stop lying because I lied like 10 times in like 5 minutes and told me to go think about what I was feeling and to tell the truth.  The truth is that I was feeling nervous about bringing up the conversation because I didn't want to hurt my parents feelings by making them feel like my curiosity meant I didn't love them or something like that.  I do love them very much.  I wanted to see if I could find out if I had any of the same characteristics as my birth mother.  Characteristics like physical ones... and abilities, talents, behavioral ones, emotional ones etc. I realized I wasn't satisfied with the amount of information that my parents had given me and I wanted to find out more if there was more to be found.  Very manipulative, wretched on my part, I had plans to use my dying Mormon neighbor to get the job done.  She's doing genealogy work and I pretended to want to bond over adoption stories since she herself was an abandoned child and is an adoptive parent.  The way the Lord is working through all this is by convicting me of my sin and having me trust in what He's provided for me, like the amount of information I do have and parents who share it all with me.  My mom reminded me that it's okay to talk about my adoption story...which they talk openly about all the time...and ask questions...it's just that I was weird about it for some reason. My mom and I also discussed that I may never know if I am like my birth mother and I have to be satisfied with that. 

My mom reminded me to go through in my mind all the ways that the Lord has been good to me.  

He gave me life.  He protected me in the womb.  He provided doctors & a shelter for me in the hospital.  He provided an orphanage.  He provided an orphanage worker to see me as a survivor and a thriver and she looked for a way for me to be adopted.  He gave me a loving family.  He gave me a Christian family who directs me to the Lord. He's given me a home.  Siblings.  Education. Good nutrition.  Solid teaching.  Opportunities.  

I was stuck in the mode of thinking about what I didn't have pre-adoption. What a waste of time.  And such unnecessary drama which hurts me and those around me.

Another way the Lord is working in me is by having me question whether I'm walking rightly or not.  Not just me thinking everything He withholds must not be good.  

For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory.

The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
 

Psalm 84:11.

     

On Mission

I have been contacted by three different mothers living in three different states raising kids adopted on three different continents in the past three days.  No lie.

Last month...I was contacted by an adult woman...an adoptee...w/attachment struggles.  This woman is a long time acquaintance of mine.  After ten plus years ...she began the process of opening up and shared a little of her heart with me.   How brave!   I didn't even know that her life had been touched by adoption until now.  Never came up. 

And...I received a very transparent text from a humble adoptive mother looking for suggestions.  Anything that might work.  Ideas to bring peace into the home. 

ALL of these women are Christ followers.

They ALL want to make godly choices.   They ALL want to navigate very difficult terrain with the fear of the Lord as their guide.

I have come to learn this...

...look for where the Lord is working...and carry on the work there.  In that place.  

SHORT TERM 12

This film was difficult to watch.   5 minutes in...I actually said to my husband ..."I don't know if I can handle this."

As painful as it is...I do believe it should be watched.  Even more so if your life has been touched by adoption or foster care.

We previewed the film...then watched with our girls.

There was a lot of silence during and after.

Much to ponder. 

I will leave you with this spoiler...HOPE prevails.

pre·vail

prəˈvāl/

verb

verb: prevail; 3rd person present: prevails; past tense: prevailed; past participle: prevailed; gerund or present participle: prevailing

prove more powerful than opposing forces; be victorious.

Numbers 11 & 19

This article


And this image...posted over on a freind's fb wall.....

Redemptive Grace

This article.  


Until we see ourselves in the same light as our struggling children ...we will be tempted to resent their struggles being permitted into our lives. 

We will be tempted to be angry with them and to be angry with the Lord.  

If you have allowed unrighteous anger to settle in your heart....if a root of bitterness has taken hold...repent.  

The Lord is in this, Friends.  He has not abandoned us.   He will never abandon us.

The Theology of Adoption 1

The Theology of Adoption 2 

The Theology of Adoption 3

Attachment in Foster Care

We were told that if a child is taken away from an orphanage and doesn't cry...it means there was no attachment formed in that place. 

The reality of this sort of scenario...is absolutely heart-breaking.

Heart-breaking.

And we have lived with that very heartbreak. 

This article...Willing To Get Too Attached. 

"But if he were to go without the love and attachment he needs at this point in his development, it wouldn’t be something he could simply catch up on later in life. It’s crucial for his sake that we risk the pain of getting “too attached.”

"We also pray that believers everywhere will join us and risk becoming “too attached” for the sake of the children in need, and the glory of the One who alone makes such risk possible."

No-one ever said it would be easy...

This article.

No-one ever said it would be easy.  

If you are living out an "easy" adoption story...as we are...with one of our adopted children...great.   The Lord has worked in that way and He is good.

If you are living out a "not so easy" adoption story...as we are...with one of our adopted children...great too.  The Lord has worked in this way as well.... and he is good.  

Great does not mean easy.

Great does not mean not scary.

Great simply means...according to the way in which the Lord sees fit. 
 

The Ugly

THIS ARTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot help but weep at the humility and the transparency in this article. What a blessing to struggling families.  What an encouragement!

It overwhelms me...to think of the enormous blog community and church communities and adoption community who join together...linking armor as it were.

Ephesians 6:10-18

I know I must be rambling here...but things in the above article triggered memories of past posts.

 This post.

And this one.
 
And this one.  

And this one.

And this one.

And this one. 

Intentionally Blinded


Christians, the Lord has given you a child to care for.  He has entrusted that child into your care.

He created that child.  Knit him/her together in their birth mother's womb.

That child is HIS to do with as HE sees fit.  You are stewards.

We are stewards.

Even if you acted in your own strength and adopted outside of His will...following after your fleshy desires...He has allowed the adoption to take place and He will redeem your situation and work things together for your good.

If you have sinned.

Repent.

Confess and turn back to the Lord.

If you did not act in a sinful manner...maybe you are simply disappointed or wounded?  Hurt by the Lord.  Angry with Him?  Pissed off beyond belief.

He knows.  

He has given you the Holy Spirit to be your guide and He has given you power and strength to deal with whatever is going on between you and HIM.

Obey what He tells you. Listen to HIM.

Trust.

Walk humbly.

Adopted - The Film

I believe this is a very important film.

I just finished it....not even two minutes ago.

I am crying like a baby.  

This I know...when we find our identities in anything or anyone else...other than in Christ...we will suffer and bring suffering upon those who are near and dear to us.

As adoptive parents...and as Christ followers...we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

We are to speak the truth in love.  

We are to love sacrificially.

And unconditionally.

We are to love those whom the Lord entrusted into our care with an everlasting love.



 

Attachment & Marriage...also Vulerability

Some good thoughts in this article.  

How I wish everything attachment related was filtered through a Biblical worldview though.  

The adults I know who have struggled with or are struggling with attachment issues...bring those struggles into every one of their relationships.... eventually.

To one degree or another...they struggle in their friendships...in their workplaces...their communities...with their siblings and family of origins...with their children...and with their spouses & in-law families.

Some relationships really bring out the ugly.  Usually...it's the more intimate ones.  The ones that dig deep & push past the surface.  The ones that are more difficult to manage...the ones that have the capacity to trigger fear on some level. 

This attachment thing is like a big flippin' merry-go-round...or a roller coaster.  You ride the ride ..... till you've had enough and decide to get off.  


Before you can heal...you must recognize that you are not well & in need of healing. 

We all bring wounds into our marriages.  Many of those struggling with attachment bring deeply buried ones into theirs.   If that's so...it follows that the struggles spill over into the in-law families.   Mother & father-in-laws are affected.  Aunts and uncles are affected.  Cousins are affected.  Grandparents are affected.   Generations suffer. 

Unrighteous judgmental attitudes...harshness...unforgiveness... bitterness...persecution complexes...manipulation...control issues...apathy...indifference...fear...fear...fear...it's all fear based.  Fear of losing control.  Fear of vulnerability.  Fear of being known.  Fear of being fully known...and fully loved.

For the one struggling, the need to control their environment is so fierce (feels like a life or death battle) that everyone in close proximity suffers. 

It's a hot mess.

And it's a sin issue.

The closer we walk with the Lord...the more our attachment struggles disappear.

Those who are struggling to attach might appear to be struggling to attach to a person/s...but it's really a battle with the Lord that is being waged.

It's HIS battlefield.  He's chosen the participants.  

As believers...we are required to engage according to His rules of warfare.

Anything else...brings HIM dishonor. 

The Power of Vulnerability

epic failures

A friend posted this over on fb and it spoke to me. 

He cannot not love His children. 

Oh how we fail our children.  Sometimes...for whole seasons.  Many times.... daily.  Oftentimes...hourly.

Lord, help us to love like YOU love.

Take our epic failures and make something beautiful out of them.  Redeem them for your glory.  Please.

10 Things Adoptees Want You To Know - Article

Lots of good stuff in here. 

As adoptees understand the details of their story, make sense of their feelings and triggers as they relate to adoption, they can cultivate resilience and learn to respond rather than react -- a skill that offers more freedom of choice in day to day actions and provides an overall sense of well-being.

Christians Defending the Fatherless

This article. 


"And so one of the things that distinguished the early Church from its pagan neighbors was the way it cared for children—all children, both newborns and orphans.
The Christian alternative was summed up in a fourth-century document known as the Apostolic Constitutions. It read “Orphans as well as widows are always commended to Christian love. The bishop is to have them brought up at the expense of the Church and to take care that the girls be given, when of marriageable age, to Christian husbands, and that the boys should learn some art or handicraft and then be provided with tools and placed in a condition to earn their own living . . .”

As believers...I think we would all agree that our role as parents...requires us to train up our children in the ways of the Lord.

We are stewards of their bodies, minds, and souls.   We are stewards of their hearts.

Many of us go through a dedication process...standing in front of our church family...expressing our desire & commitment to steward well.  And our church families promise to help us in the task of coming alongside and raising up our kids in the fear and knowledge of the Lord.  We commit publicly to exposing our children to the gospel on a regular basis.  To giving them every opportunity to hear truth and see it modeled in our own homes and in the homes of those we do life with.

When dealing with behavioral and emotional issues...when dealing with sin issues that are problematic...we can be tempted to turn to the world for answers.

The world...if opposed to Biblical teaching...can offer us no true or lasting solutions.

We are not after behavior modification.  We are after the Lord's business.  And He is after heart transformation.   

Are your struggling children in therapy?  If so...make sure that they are hearing truth and not some counterfeit.

Are they surrounded by brothers and sisters in the Lord who know them fully and love them fully?  If not...they will be looking for love & guidance & and finding it in all the wrong places.

And Jesus said to them, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." And they were amazed at Him.
  
Mark 12:17