Saturday, January 17, 2009

Intentionally Blinded

When Girlie #1 came home....we knew NOTHING about attachment issues.  For about a year...we were obliviously parenting as if we parenting our bio difference.  We assumed that given all the lovin' we were feeling for our new little one....we would be getting' some authentic lovin' in return.  I like to call this our "honeymoon" (overused but so apropos) period.  I believe that we were given these months to bond on a level (us to her) that we may not have...

...if we had known differently up front.

Looking back, it was a very stressful time....but we were protected from the level of the stress we were under and the enormity of stress we were about to come under.

For whatever reason....we were able to cuddle and receive cuddles (even if they were inauthentic) w/out having every move feel like it was under a microscope....being dissected and analyzed.  We were relaxed...because we weren't looking for signs of trouble.

Eventually, all heck broke loose...or better yet....we became aware of the fact that all heck had already broken loose.

For our was when Girlie  was able to fully communicate w/us in English.

The stories.

Fear & anger started spilling out.  Wounds.  So many wounds.   

Instinctually ...we started over w/her.

Back in pull-ups...bottle fed once a day....spoon fed...rocked in a rocking chair etc.  We pulled out of Sunday School.  We pulled out of Awana...tightening all non-intimate relationship reigns.

Soon after,  Girlie #2 arrived.  The second agency we went through required that we read The Weaver's Craft.  Girlie #2 benefited from what we were learning through our trials by wildfire...and for whatever reasons...had a much easier road to attachment...not without bumps but gratefully without bruises.  It was obvious to us from Day One...that she would not experience the same level of trouble her sister walks through.

I'm not convinced it's because of anything we did or didn't do differently.  Deep in my heart, I believe as parents we can do everything right  every time....and still have trouble in the attachment area.

And I also believe that our failures need not keep us in bondage if we handle them honestly and with repentance.  We are accountable for what we know when we know it.

Some kids attach easier than others.

Some parents attach easier to certain kids than others.

After we pulled in....tightened the intimate circle etc....we stayed there for quite a while.  A few years. It was during this lengthy lonely period of time....when I started searching  and researching.....opening up about what our family was experiencing.... and asking lots of questions.  

Wherever you are in the journey...He will meet you there.  And, even on the days (weeks/months/years) when He appears to be absent...He isn't.

If He has blinded your eyes for a season...and recently opened them....He had a purpose you are able to trust.

If you are wide awake and your eyes were fully opened going in...He has a purpose.

He is loving and He is good.  He is trustworthy.