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Monday, November 23, 2009

Find My Family

Anybody else dreading this ABC show? Even the commercials....we find ourselves trying to avoid.

10 comments:

Lauree said...

Yes, I dread this show. For one, Reality tv is not "real." and I fear what some adopted children will see and feel. We will not watch this. I am horrified that ABC is doing this.

waldenbunch said...

Absolutely. Life is not all one happy ending, especially for our kids. Who needs a tv show helping them buy into the idea that their bio parents are coming on a white horse to rescue them from the big bad adoptive parents?

rachel said...

Wow, after looking this up on the computer I am once again thankful we don't have TV. I suppose these scenarios might fit a few adoptees somewhere, but for my children adopted from foster care, it would only confuse them and certainly give them false ideas and hopes.

Mike and Gail said...

I am new here. I have not even seen the previews for it. What is it about?

Simply Moms said...

It is a reunion show. Adoptees locate their birth families.
Dawn

FL said...

I have worked with adopted children on identity issues, so I was curious to see the reaction to this show. I have mixed feelings for many reasons, but I want to respond to the comment that the show promotes the idea that "their bio parents are coming on a white horse to rescue them from the big bad adoptive parents".

Nothing could be further from the truth, if you saw the show. It was clear that the young lady's parents (yes, I mean adoptive parents) raised her extremely well and were supportive and encouraged her to seek information about her birth parents should she want to.

At the end of the show, the young lady introduces her parents as her parents, and the birth parents thanks her parents for raising their daughter so well.

Before you jump to false conclusions on how parents of adopted children are portrayed, you would do well to actually watch the show.

Simply Moms said...

I have no doubt that there will be many lovely stories told...with intricacies and nuances which are pleasant and wonderful. In a different life....I am sure I would be the one sitting on the couch with a big bowl of popped corn bawling my eyes out each week.

A total freaking nightmare for some of us with kids who would gladly take any adult over us.... without ever looking back though.

I think the danger with this show (or the hesitation some might feel) is that without being VERY intentional here....we could be allowing confusion to seep in to the hearts of our kids.

I do think it would be smart to preview the episodes prior to having the kids watch if that's the direction your family takes.

For us....the commercials bring cold sweats and clammy palms.


LALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!!! OH MAN! That clinking and clanging pot just CRASHED to the floor so unexpectedly !!!!!!!!!! We've done some of that a time or two over this past week ...in order to distract from the t.v.

Dawn

Simply Moms said...

FL-it is not so much that these moms here are thinking the show would depict it that way. It is that our little ones have VERY skewed ideas of good and bad and family. My thought primarily is that warped view would prevent them from even IDing any good displayed in a show like this. It will just focus them on their unrealistic ideas/daydreams of birth families. . . that it all comes out yummy in the end. . . especially the kids that come from broken, hurting, abusive first homes.

~Cate

triplehmoms said...

I'm new to your blog and haven't had time to read the entire thing. I will work on it! My children are adopted, coming home as infants from Guatemala. We have an open adoption with my oldest (10 years old) daughter's family in Guatemala. One night we were watching TV together and the blurb for this came on. I asked her what she thought about it--if it was a good idea, etc. She told me NO! I asked her why and she said that it made her think of her birthfamily AND that was private information. Now, we have contact with her birthfamily and we just saw them about 3 months ago and I can only imagine what sort of emotions this will bring up for some other kids/adults.
I look forward to learning from you all.

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

I have mixed feelings about the concept of such a show. I know several adult adoptees who love their (adoptive) families very much but just want to know who their birth families are and put it to rest. They have such a magnetic pull almost to know these things (much like I long to be with my out of state relatives).

I know that my children have no desire to see their birth parents-for good reasons--whom they do remember. They make that clear. They do want to see their birth siblings but don't really talk much about it. Though they struggle with attachment issues, they do know that we are a safe place for them to vent about their feelings over adoption and as they say, "being tooken" from their birth and/or foster homes. I've made it clear that when they get old enough (adult), I will help them do whatever they want to do as far as searching for any of their birth parents. Of course, I pray that they never feel the need. Inside, the thought crushes me... But I want to be there for them for whatever the outcome of their search may bring them. Stats are stacked that they will investigate it as adults. That being said, I battle with whether to protect them from seeing the commericals for this show, which might make them feel worse about their situations or whether to use it as an opportunity to prepare them for the struggles adoptees face when the choice is theirs as adults. Protective instincts in me are strong BUT our situation is not everyone's situation. Some chldren were lovingly surrendered because the parents knew they could not care for them. They loved them enough to give them another family who could care for them. In those cases, I can see where a re-union might be healing for all. I've seen this. My friends have a teen girl whose single mom had issues and needed treatment. She was poor and couldn't care for her baby. This girl was placed in fostercare while the mom was able to stablize. It took years and the birth mom didn't want to hold the child back from a loving family that could provide. The little girl was adopted and loved very much as a natural part of her new family. The new family kept tabs on the birth mom and kept her informed of the girl's life. Later, when the time was right, they allowed the birth mom to have visitation. This teen never doubts who her real family is but also knows her birthmom. This has been great for her. But for those of us with children who have attachment issues or whose children come from absusive families, the concept of such re-union is a very fearful thing. So, there you have my very complex and mixed opinion. I hope I'm not being offensive here. I just try to put myself in other people's shoes. WE all have tough choices to make in relationship to this subject. I pray for wisdom and comfort for the fear we also face as well as the fear our children feel.