Our Children, Our Neighbors. Good thoughts.
And, I like this. It's true. We are all a hot mess.
I am reminded of this post Heart Change again.
Our Children, Our Neighbors. Good thoughts.
This post was hard for Girlie to write...but she wanted to do it. It has sent her into somewhat of a small spiral. She's been not so secretly stressed since yesterday and is doing her best to let it go and release the control.
I'm really proud of her efforts. Transparency & trust. Not easy stuff.
My definition of a friend has been one who laughs and has a good time all the time.
Now I know that my definition has been wrong. A friend is teachable, patient, loyal, transparent, authentic, a good listener, and truthful.
I am not a good friend.
What my mind is realizing now is that I am a terrible friend. I want to change that. I don't like the friend that I've been. I have damaged my relationships by being selfish through my loud behavior, being in peoples spaces, by being inauthentic, disloyal, impatient, unteachable, and by not being a good listener. I've been the opposite of transparent.
Realizing the problem is the beginning of the hard work.
The people who have been good friends to me are my family and close relations (you know who you are.)
I'm so sorry to everyone I have not been a good friend to (you know who you are.)
These are the steps I will take to be a good friend.
I will be patient
I will be honest.
I will be authentic.
I will be transparent.
I will be open.
I will be loyal.
I will listen.
I will be honoring.
I will be teachable
Friends. Find the ones who refuse to blow smoke up your butt and stick with them through thick and thin.
It will be a battle. Sometimes we will want them to blow smoke up our butts...but that's because we aren't actually looking for friends ...we are looking for ....
Something quite different than friendship.
I hate when that happens.
Thankfully...I have a few who know me well. So well...that my tantrums...wound licking...shut downs...& melt downs...don't make a dent. They are like rain drops rolling off the back of a duck.
Just this week a friend nailed me. With a good question. And good advice.
When you are tempted to follow your emotions....bring it to the Lord.
Bring it to your spouse. (You guys are ONE.)
And on occasion...or many many many times....bring it to a friend. A good friend.
The sort that will talk you down off a cliff. Or grab your hand and take the plunge alongside you. Whatever is required for your good and to bring the Lord glory in any given situation.
Those who have struggles with attachment will have a hard time going deeper. It is much easier to manage life if life is kept on a surface level.
The Lord will bring to mind the questions that He would have you ask. The ones that chip away at self protection and work towards unlocking hearts.
Speak the truth in love and leave the rest up to Him.
I am one to struggle with pride. Pride destroys me. It ruins me. I fake smile and laugh to hide my true feelings. I fake happiness in pride. I don't want others to know I am struggling because it makes me look weak and like I need help. Duh...it's the weak people who know they need a Savior... so why do I try to hide my weakness????
I struggle with pride because I want to feel high and mighty. Pride gives the illusion of being okay. I can either voice my pride and show it or be secretly prideful in my heart. It hurts me both ways.
Pride is poisonous. It is like carbon monoxide...an odorless killer.
When I am prideful...I try to sneak and cover it up. When I am prideful...I am self-focsed. Pride is the worst vapor in my heart. God knows it all.
Today during the sermon, God convicted me of my prideful ways. I feel as if I want to expose my pride so that I may have accountability from others. This is the first time in my battle with pride where I wasn't stuck by shame. I did not want to hide it from others. I don't want to run from it anymore. I want to face it. I am choosing to be transparent because it helps me get healthy and helps me heal. It makes me feel good to give up the control and let go. What is bringing me hope is my ability to trust in the Lord more and more.
Pride comes before a fall. I have experienced that many times. It's a promise. It will happen.
My experience with trust has been quite a journey. I have a hard time trusting in the Lord and my family because I have allowed control issues to over power and rule my life.
I have trouble trusting God because I don't like some of the things he has allowed in my life and ...in my warped thinking...I don't like who He made me to be.
I don't always trust my family because I don't like some of the challenges they give me. I have always struggled with trusting my parents authority over me.
I am embarrassed by my behavior. I don't like that I lack trust.
I think my life would go much smoother if I just trust in God's plan for my life.
Not trusting my family has damaged my relationships with them. The lack of trust has brought me loneliness and separation. I need to let go of warped thinking and let go of the need to control. I need to give the Lord complete control of my entire life.
The trick is finding people who are trustworthy. My parents are trustworthy...even though they are flawed. We all are. They seek the Lord. God will lead their hearts and their choices.
If I am having a fight with God...then why would I trust the people who are pointing me to Him?
It's hard to admit that I need help because that makes me vulnerable.
These are my thoughts on trust.
The core to hiding from relationships is pride. And it shows up in control issues. Wanting to cover up. To protect oneself. The problem with wanting to hide is that it hurts the hider the most. Hiding is a sin issue.
The reason I hide is because I don't like being caught in my lies. When I'm hiding, I don't care to root the problem out. I am selfish.
The way I hide is by dragging an issue on and on and on for an unnecessary time. This week I tried to hide something for three days. It didn't get me anywhere.
My mom pushed and pushed and pushed x 1000 cuz she knew I was lying...and by the grace of God...He thankfully got to my heart and healed that stupid and unnecessarily ridiculous issue.
I hide from the truth about myself because I don't like the truth about myself.
Hiding from the truth doesn't work because you just get yourself dug in deeper. Into a bigger problem.
I suggest that if you're hiding...you will feel better to open up. Once you do...the problem can get rooted out.
Then it will be healing to the hider.
God knows when we hide.
He knows the hiders.
It is so foolish to hide. He sees it all. He sees right through us.
Stop hiding. Let's end the hiding.
This is my encouragement to you.
Lament happens within the context of relationship and trust.
One of the most painful things to watch is a person who is closed to receiving love go through a struggle. On their own.
They would benefit from a hug. But don't know how to ask for one. And when one is offered. They reject it.
It's too scary to hug...too close.
Too much intimacy.
Wanting a hug means I might need a hug.
I don't deserve a hug.
If I get a hug...I might not be able to stop providing for and protecting myself & then what if I want more hugs?
What if my walls crumble?
What if the hug is the key to actually allowing myself to confront the thing I am running from?
What if ....
Our pastor recently killed it with his message. A message seeping with so much honesty & clarity...so much simplicity and loving brutality when he said..."If you are hiding from your friends...you just might be hiding from God."
Goes for family members too. Hiding from your family?
The rawness of it...kills me. It is so absolutely true.
Darkness tries to hide.
Many men and women will say that they must submit to God in affliction; I suppose that if you were to go on now from one end of this congregation to the other, and speak thus to every soul; "Would you not submit to God's disposal, in whatever condition he might place you?", you would say, "God forbid that it should be otherwise!" But we have a saying,...There is a great deal of deceit in general statements. In general, you would submit to anything; but what if it is in this or that particular case which crosses you most? Then, anything but that! We are usually apt to think that any condition is better than that condition is better than that condition in which God has placed us. Now, this is not contentment; it should be not only to any condition in general, but for the kind of affliction, including that which most crosses you. God, it may be, strikes you in your child.
The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment - Jeremiah Burroughs