Wednesday, February 25, 2015


You know how it helps to share your struggles with others?  Well, it also helps to share your victories.

A long time ago...when Girlie was newly home...she exhibited many socially inappropriate reactions to situations.  Too much laughter...too much anger...too much frustration...too much excitement etc. etc. etc.

Emotions were just so overwhelming. 

Early on...she laughed throughout the funeral of a child in our church family.

I was horrified.

And frightened for her.

Well...the good news is...through lots of instruction and and the modelling of social appropriateness...and lots of hard work...

tries and retries...



but entirely because of the Lord's movement in Girlie's combine all of these things together...

...she is living in a season of victory. 

A few years ago...we ushered my elderly uncle through death.  The kids were hands close proximity.  Then...not long after...his wife, my aunt passed on.  Again...the kids were up close and personal.

Girlie handled both situations very well.  Appropriately.  There was no laughter.  Even some tears shed.

Well....two years later...quite recently...she came to me and told me she was sad and depressed.  Fearful and anxious too.  We talk a lot over we climbed into bed...nice and cozy...and I asked her what was bothering her.

The deaths.  They were just hitting her.  Hard.

It took a few years for her grief to rise to the surface.

But it did.

And it was so lovely and beautiful to behold.  It's strange to say, I know...but her tears and her quivering lip and shaky voice were beautiful.

She was so honest and brave in opening up her heart to loss. processing with me...then in handing it over to the Lord so that He could carry the sadness/depression/fear/ and anxiety.

Recently, our dear elderly neighbor, Pat passed away.  Girlie and she were sweet together.  They had a special bond.  This death hit Girlie hard.  Although she had been preparing her heart...when it came was too sudden and it hurt enormously.

The family was so gracious to us.  They allowed neighbors to visit and say our "goodbyes."

Girlie and I were alone in the home.  She walked from room to room...looking at framed photos...touching little trinkets...sharing memories with me.  She asked if I thought she should see Pat... in order to say "goodbye" properly.  I told her that some people need that closure...but for some the visual might be too much to handle and that many times people choose to remember their friends the way they were.

We stood together in the hallway just outside Pat's bedroom door.  Girlie hugged me tightly and cried and cried.  We thanked the Lord for this precious woman.  We prayed together for her family.

Girlie decided that she needed more closure and decided to see Pat.

Her tears flowed.  They turned into sobs.  She left the home broken-hearted.

She cried again at the memorial service.  Freely and appropritely...with self control. 

She didn't want to return home for the next few days...struggling with the knowlege that her friend was no longer across the street.

All of this was articulated.  Communicated.  Talked through.

So brave!

Then...just the other day Girlie told me that she had given her anxiety about returning home to the street with a missing member to the Lord and she's been okay ever since.  

Monday, February 23, 2015

Attachment Struggles & The Bible

Over the years...I have come up against non Biblical responses to to this issue of ATTACHMENT STRUGGLES.

Such responses have come directly and indirectly.  Some were to be expected.  Others were complete surprises.

Such responses have come from acquaintances, dear friends, and intimate family members.  All were well-intentioned, I trust ...yet short-sighted and misguided. All of the non-Biblical responses were fear based. 

The most Biblical responses I've gotten in professional settings were from four individuals.  One, was a pediatrician...two of them came from secular counselors (believe it or not)....and one of them, a Christian counselor.

All three identified this particular issue our family wrestles with as valid.

The pediatrician offered a listening ear.  Calm during storms.  Truth regarding possible options for help (she warned us about the huge $ making world of "therapy" and the rabbit holes they could often lead desperate people down.)   She was the first one to tell us we were in this for the long haul.  Two secular counselors listened long and hard to how we were going about walking out this difficult road and did something I appreciate greatly... they said, "This is your child.  Keep doing what you are doing.  We can take your money but we have no answers for you which trump the ones you are working with." 

I appreciated that SO much!

The Christian counselor...more or less said the same thing ($ was not involved)...but affirmed that, YES...we are to navigate with the Bible as our road map.  And a solid support system. 

Biblical truth walked out.  Biblical truth lived in the home.  Biblical truth lived in our community.

Last year we were faced with multiple challenging situations where the way in which attachment struggles were being played out in our circle of relationships challenged and eventually magnified & rooted more deeply the beliefs we hold sacred in our own home and our own hearts.

One adult...clearly affected by attachment struggles...attempted to steal peace in our home through center of attention...disruptive & manipulative behavior.  The Lord used this circumstance as a mirror for Girlie.  She recognized herself in this woman and did not like it one bit.  It was a good opportunity for the rest of us to evaluate what battles we are called to.  Who we are called to on this journey.  And to what extent.  

One small child was abandoned by a pastor and his wife.  This child was about to be thrown into the system when a family from the pastor's church rose up and adopted him...calling him their own.  The Lord used this situation to whisper hope to our hearts.  Though the flesh may fail...the Lord intervenes.  Without fail. 

I think I am most encouraged by the mom's I am hearing from who want desperately to honor the Lord with their choices in this struggle.  When an e-mail arrives...raw with honesty...brutal honesty...I gasp at the thought that the Lord sees all and knows all.  There is no hiding from we might as well open our hearts and let them bleed all over the place when breathing just isn't enough.  When a mom asks...can we meet for a while and just talk?  I need to vent.  I need advice.  When my offering of advice speaks to my own heart.  When she reminds me of something I had forgotten.  When I get a phone call saying this or that is what??????  Give me something.  ANYTHING! And I am able to say...try ABCD &E.  From experience.  From the trenches.   Because I know what frustration feels like.  And I know what banging my head against a wall feels like.  And I know what fear feels like.  And I know what knowing that GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION is like.

Battling attachment struggles in a Biblical manner calls for Biblical understanding and Biblical guidance.

This message.

Thursday, February 19, 2015


We adopted Bunny. She has a white fur coat, tiny brown ears, and a Marilyn Monroe mole like spot under her nose.  She is a scared rabbit. She makes squealing noises when she feels unsafe and she nips at you if you get too close. Bunny is stubborn and very quick with her emotions. She wouldn't allow us to pet her,  hold her,  or feed her by hand for quite a while. She wouldn't allow herself to be loved by us. It saddened us and made my younger sister cry. It became harder and harder for us to love her because we became more and more afraid of her. So the more we were afraid of her...she became more afraid of us.

There needed to be an emotional healing process. 

The other day I swept Bunny up using a towel to hide her eyes.  The second time I did this,  I held her more firmly than the first, letting her know I was in control...but of course still gently and took her to a quiet place. I was silent for a few minutes...petting her through the towel in an effort to make her more comfortable and communicate that she was safe. From behind... I pulled the towel off and moved slowly towards her head petting her without a sound. Then, I gently talked to her letting her know that I was just afraid as she was, and that everything was going to be okay. I beautified her by clipping her overgrown toenails and grooming her with dry shampoo. I think Bunny has trouble with letting herself be loved by others and being loveable. She has taught me through a glimpse, that I need to be more loving and that I need to let others love me more.

The point is...  I want to love more and be more loveable.

Our other dwarf bunny, Oreo, is  black and white, with black ears and two black spots under both her eyes. She is sassy but so sweet and loving and loveable.  It's easier to want to be with her.