Friday, March 11, 2011

Define Love-repost

I want to post about how I deal with some of the stuff that I talked about yesterday. But first, I thought it would be really great to repost a transparent and thought provoking post Dawn wrote in 2009. Go check it out.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Aw, Thanks.

Have you ever been in an relationship or seen a relationship in film that is unbalanced? Instantly I think of the episode of Friends where Monica encourages Ross to tell Emily that he loves her. He races to the airport, bears his heart and her response is "aw, thank you." There is something so sad when we see that. There is a lack of reciprocity. There might be many aspects to the relationship, different types of love, but there is something unbalanced in their affection. Lacking a phileo love. One enjoys the other and time with the other more than the other. One wants to go deeper and spend time together more than the other. That is my every day experience right now. It is filled with backwards or side hugs. I would say we are averaging about 4x a day where I say, "I love you, honey."

"Yeah, I know."
"Every day you say that."

That awkward pause and dejected face screenwriters write into scripts for these moments, I feel. I think, "Uhhhhh, good night this is awkward. I wonder when or if this will ever change." I do have to say it is better than empty words. At least she's honest and not spewing hatred.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Hugs, Kisses and RAD!

I loved this post from Courtney. We must be a student of our kids and get to the heart of their motivations. Using the word Mommy or giving a hug or being polite does not mean they are healthy and attaching. Sometimes I think the fear of a label or dealing with the reality of loss in our kids' lives or how accepting the possibility/reality of the situation makes us stop short of analyzing our children and their behavior. I totally understand. But don't let fear control you. It will only lead to bigger issues. Courtney's post is concise, with hope and healthy boundaries. Go check it out.