Sunday, May 30, 2010

What's Your Worldview?

A great book dealing w/Worldview stuff. Are we like Frankenstein or Jekyll and Hyde? What do we believe? The answer to that question will answer so many others.

And, I feel like it's time to repost this...and this.

What's Your Plan?

Girlie got up an hour early and readied herself for church. Shower....cute little summer dress...blown out and straightened hair.

The reason there is no Sunday morning pre-church stress and anxiety today? (It's a time management thing.) Because she chose for there not to be any.

That's what she told me. After giving me a few big happy pleased with her decision & new found wisdom kisses.

It seems she and her sister had some late night pillow talk about how she could avoid some of these crazy nonsense meltdowns. She came up w/a PLAN!

I am so proud of the hard work she is doing. And I am thrilled that she has the patient, loving, and kind sister she has. The one who always hopes the best for her.

For years now...whenever I sense that Girlie is spiraling...I say firmly while holding her shoulders and looking directly into her eyes..."STOP! Stop now."

She does.

"What's your plan?"

It did not happen over night...but over time...

....she has gotten into the habit of taking time to focus...actually hearing the question....processing it...and trying to answer it.

Lately...she is able to.

With a deep breath & a slow and steady response it usually goes something like this...

"My plan is.......ABCXYZ."

Sometimes it drives a parent crazy...the extra attention it takes w/that certain child....but we are committed till the end.

The Lord does not call the equipped...He equips the called.

Keep on keepin' on. Slow and steady.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

True Sanity

Love that Dawn has been sharing this last week. She articulated my heart exactly lately. Sick of RAD. This last weekend I got to go to a retreat. This song ministered deeply to my soul during a minor but seemingly endless spiral from my RADish. Only one thing is my true sanity through this world, through sin, through the consequences of sin.

(pause the player first)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Have You Looked In A Mirror Lately?

Here's an idea for your toolbox.

We haven't pulled it out in at least the last 12 months.......... and...due to it's get the job done effectiveness...only had to use it a handful of times.

When you are at home...or (GASP) out in public....and your child begins to embark on a downward spiral...losing eye contact....talking nonsense chatter at an annoyingly high volume etc......pretend you are a mirror.

With a straight face....mimic him/her. Do EXACTLY what they are the EXACT manner they are doing it....come what may...come hell or high water.

Wow, did this snap Girlie into reality. She hated it. But, got the point. Quickly.

Here's the have to be so committed to the well-being of your child that you are willing to let others in your community wonder if you need to be committed.

I'll never forget one night in particular. We were at a pizza place and I was staring at Girlie's chin saying, "I DON"T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN I'M NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT?!?!?!?!?! OF COURSE I"M MAKING EYE CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At the same time, Dad was staring just above her her eyebrow saying, "OF COURSE MOM IS MAKING EYE CONTACT AND SO AM I!!!!!!!!!!!"

Girlie wanted to crawl under the table.

The poor people in the next booth.

Our other kids ignored us and just kept eating.

I really think that most of these kids are unaware of the ridiculousness of their behaviours...until they see themselves in a mirror.


When she told us under her breath how embarrassing it was to have the people at the other table looking over at us.......we didn't coddle her.

"Yeah...your brothers and sisters probably know ALL about that, huh?"

Silence from Girlie.

"And by the way, maybe you should be more concerned with how you treat your parents and siblings...your actual family...than the strangers in the restaurant who you most likely will never ever see again .......and who most likely have troubles of their own and could care less about yours. How's about getting your own house in order and then, allowing the rest of the world to fall into place???????????"

Silence from Girlie.

Stares from the next booth.

The other kids just kept on eating.


Watch out for "eyebrow contact"...or "corner of the eye eye contact." It's so subtle and oh so easy to miss.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Are You Numb?

So we were in the waiting room of the dentist's office...when I was faced w/a conflicting choice.

Sit where I was ...continue drinking my freshly brewed cup of coffee...vegging out for a few peaceful moments reading a nonsense magazine...or go back w/14 year old Girlie and hold her hand while she got the shot she did not know she would be getting.

She would be numb by the time the shot came. She wouldn't know the difference.

I asked her. "Are you okay?"


"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm not's just know...going to the's not fun."

"I agree."

She was called in. After a kiss...and a thumbs up...I flipped through exactly two pages of the nonsense magazine ...before I motioned for the nurse.

"Due to my child's trauma history I would like to be back with her as she gets her shot."

"No problem...come on back," came the response.

When I entered the room where Girlie lay...mouth wide open...already the hands of nurses she's known for years and years....I noticed tears in her eyes.

"I'm not crying," she said.

" must be the eyelash in your eye that is causing those tears then"...I said...."or the mascara getting in those eyes."

She held my hand and chuckled nervously.

As the nurses ohhhhed and ahhhed about how brave she was....about how far she has come in the bravery department...I stroked her arm and held eye contact.

All done.

Sterile needle placed strategically out of her range of vision.

No pain whatsoever.

I leaned in for a farewell kiss.....and reminded her.
"Just in case you were are loved. I love you."

She smiled and held her breath to brace herself for what was about to come.....a FILLING to fix a weak and cracked tooth!

One proud momma. And a convicted one too.

Who the heck cares what's going on in a magazine when I have opportunities to connect w/my baby girl???!?!?!?!?!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Buckle Up

So Girlie had a bad morning. The buildup to the car-ride to church was not pretty...not by a long shot. The car-ride consisted of glares transmitted through the rear view mirror and pointed silence directed at me.

Here's the good news.

I saw the moment that the break happened. The exact moment....I can pin point it.

We had travelled 3 miles...we were at the intersection between our quiet neighborhood and a well trafficked avenue. She had been sitting stubbornly since the drive-way...refusing to buckle up. Arms crossed. Pouting.

Our little one kept reminding her of the safety rule. The same safety rule that has been in place since the day Girlie arrived home 10 years ago. She would not buckle up.

"It's okay. " I said. "Everyone makes choices in life and if Girlie desires to mock the Lord w/her choices...challenging wisdom....then let her. If there is a car accident...she will have to suffer the consequences of her choices/hard hearted rebellious sin."

By the time we reached the intersection I heard the CLICK.

Just before communion...she leaned her head on my shoulder and repented for her behavior...naming specific heart problems...specific sin issues. She asked for forgiveness and a kiss and she got both. Genuine eye contact.

On the drive home...unsolicited....she articulated what was bothering her...the thing that spiralled the morning into a hell zone.

Tomorrow we have the dentist and her weakened due to malnutrition cracked tooth needs to be fixed. She is afraid. Eye contact.

Full reconciliation.

I'm thanking the Lord she did not wind up in a hospital bed paralyzed on that three mile trip to the intersection where I allowed her to ride w/out a seat belt.

Cutting Board Heart

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Heart Splash


It's been a while since I've posted here. To tell you the truth...sometimes I just don't want to talk about attachment issues. It's gets old.

Update in our home:

Girlie has been making GREAT strides. Mostly in the form of trusting her parents w/her heart. This kid is a believer w/the gift of discernment. Her discernment blows me away sometimes. She can nail a sin issue to it's core.

A handful of times over the past few months...she has addressed troubling areas in others while owning her own troubles (we don't take well to planks in our own eyes around here. )

She has done so w/our knowledge and under our protection. She has handled herself beautifully and I am sure feels very safe.

With that comes trust and much growth.

And, a few spirals. To be expected. Predictable.

They don't seem to last long these days though. And she is able to articulate rather quickly what she is feeling...because trying to figure it our based on behavior is almost impossible. When her feelings don't match her reactions....we point it out.

Actually....we usually just kinda look at her blankly and remain silent. Within seconds...she usually figures out that there is a discrepancy and adjusts herself.

Sometimes....we have to do that three or four times in an afternoon....but no more week long or month long or season long spirals to speak of.