And this image...posted over on a freind's fb wall.....
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Monday, November 24, 2014
Until we see ourselves in the same light as our struggling children ...we will be tempted to resent their struggles being permitted into our lives.
We will be tempted to be angry with them and to be angry with the Lord.
If you have allowed unrighteous anger to settle in your heart....if a root of bitterness has taken hold...repent.
The Lord is in this, Friends. He has not abandoned us. He will never abandon us.
The Theology of Adoption 1
The Theology of Adoption 2
The Theology of Adoption 3
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
We were told that if a child is taken away from an orphanage and doesn't cry...it means there was no attachment formed in that place.
The reality of this sort of scenario...is absolutely heart-breaking.
And we have lived with that very heartbreak.
This article...Willing To Get Too Attached.
"But if he were to go without the love and attachment he needs at this point in his development, it wouldn’t be something he could simply catch up on later in life. It’s crucial for his sake that we risk the pain of getting “too attached.”
"We also pray that believers everywhere will join us and risk becoming “too attached” for the sake of the children in need, and the glory of the One who alone makes such risk possible."
Friday, November 14, 2014
No-one ever said it would be easy.
If you are living out an "easy" adoption story...as we are...with one of our adopted children...great. The Lord has worked in that way and He is good.
If you are living out a "not so easy" adoption story...as we are...with one of our adopted children...great too. The Lord has worked in this way as well.... and he is good.
Great does not mean easy.
Great does not mean not scary.
Great simply means...according to the way in which the Lord sees fit.
I cannot help but weep at the humility and the transparency in this article. What a blessing to struggling families. What an encouragement!
It overwhelms me...to think of the enormous blog community and church communities and adoption community who join together...linking armor as it were.
I know I must be rambling here...but things in the above article triggered memories of past posts.
And this one.
And this one.
And this one.
And this one.
And this one.
Christians, the Lord has given you a child to care for. He has entrusted that child into your care.
He created that child. Knit him/her together in their birth mother's womb.
That child is HIS to do with as HE sees fit. You are stewards.
We are stewards.
Even if you acted in your own strength and adopted outside of His will...following after your fleshy desires...He has allowed the adoption to take place and He will redeem your situation and work things together for your good.
If you have sinned.
Confess and turn back to the Lord.
If you did not act in a sinful manner...maybe you are simply disappointed or wounded? Hurt by the Lord. Angry with Him? Pissed off beyond belief.
He has given you the Holy Spirit to be your guide and He has given you power and strength to deal with whatever is going on between you and HIM.
Obey what He tells you. Listen to HIM.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
I believe this is a very important film.
I just finished it....not even two minutes ago.
I am crying like a baby.
This I know...when we find our identities in anything or anyone else...other than in Christ...we will suffer and bring suffering upon those who are near and dear to us.
As adoptive parents...and as Christ followers...we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak.
We are to speak the truth in love.
We are to love sacrificially.
We are to love those whom the Lord entrusted into our care with an everlasting love.
Friday, November 7, 2014
How I wish everything attachment related was filtered through a Biblical worldview though.
The adults I know who have struggled with or are struggling with attachment issues...bring those struggles into every one of their relationships.... eventually.
To one degree or another...they struggle in their friendships...in their workplaces...their communities...with their siblings and family of origins...with their children...and with their spouses & in-law families.
Some relationships really bring out the ugly. Usually...it's the more intimate ones. The ones that dig deep & push past the surface. The ones that are more difficult to manage...the ones that have the capacity to trigger fear on some level.
This attachment thing is like a big flippin' merry-go-round...or a roller coaster. You ride the ride ..... till you've had enough and decide to get off.
Before you can heal...you must recognize that you are not well & in need of healing.
We all bring wounds into our marriages. Many of those struggling with attachment bring deeply buried ones into theirs. If that's so...it follows that the struggles spill over into the in-law families. Mother & father-in-laws are affected. Aunts and uncles are affected. Cousins are affected. Grandparents are affected. Generations suffer.
Unrighteous judgmental attitudes...harshness...unforgiveness... bitterness...persecution complexes...manipulation...control issues...apathy...indifference...fear...fear...fear...it's all fear based. Fear of losing control. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of being known. Fear of being fully known...and fully loved.
For the one struggling, the need to control their environment is so fierce (feels like a life or death battle) that everyone in close proximity suffers.
It's a hot mess.
And it's a sin issue.
The closer we walk with the Lord...the more our attachment struggles disappear.
Those who are struggling to attach might appear to be struggling to attach to a person/s...but it's really a battle with the Lord that is being waged.
It's HIS battlefield. He's chosen the participants.
As believers...we are required to engage according to His rules of warfare.
Anything else...brings HIM dishonor.
The Power of Vulnerability
He cannot not love His children.
Oh how we fail our children. Sometimes...for whole seasons. Many times.... daily. Oftentimes...hourly.
Lord, help us to love like YOU love.
Take our epic failures and make something beautiful out of them. Redeem them for your glory. Please.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Lots of good stuff in here.
As adoptees understand the details of their story, make sense of their feelings and triggers as they relate to adoption, they can cultivate resilience and learn to respond rather than react -- a skill that offers more freedom of choice in day to day actions and provides an overall sense of well-being.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
"And so one of the things that distinguished the early Church from its pagan neighbors was the way it cared for children—all children, both newborns and orphans.
The Christian alternative was summed up in a fourth-century document known as the Apostolic Constitutions. It read “Orphans as well as widows are always commended to Christian love. The bishop is to have them brought up at the expense of the Church and to take care that the girls be given, when of marriageable age, to Christian husbands, and that the boys should learn some art or handicraft and then be provided with tools and placed in a condition to earn their own living . . .”
As believers...I think we would all agree that our role as parents...requires us to train up our children in the ways of the Lord.
We are stewards of their bodies, minds, and souls. We are stewards of their hearts.
Many of us go through a dedication process...standing in front of our church family...expressing our desire & commitment to steward well. And our church families promise to help us in the task of coming alongside and raising up our kids in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. We commit publicly to exposing our children to the gospel on a regular basis. To giving them every opportunity to hear truth and see it modeled in our own homes and in the homes of those we do life with.
When dealing with behavioral and emotional issues...when dealing with sin issues that are problematic...we can be tempted to turn to the world for answers.
The world...if opposed to Biblical teaching...can offer us no true or lasting solutions.
We are not after behavior modification. We are after the Lord's business. And He is after heart transformation.
Are your struggling children in therapy? If so...make sure that they are hearing truth and not some counterfeit.
Are they surrounded by brothers and sisters in the Lord who know them fully and love them fully? If not...they will be looking for love & guidance & and finding it in all the wrong places.
And Jesus said to them, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." And they were amazed at Him.
Even though many of us are not dealing with the issue of autism...we are dealing with the issue of accountability.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
I know I have talked about apathy before.
Sometimes you need a little reminder.
This week I got a call from a friend. Humbly and transparently...she shared the struggles she is currently having with her child.
We talked for a while and I shared my struggles with her.
We processed out loud together.
What would the Lord have us do?
Well...He would have us treat our children the way we ourselves would want to be treated.
At the very least...He would have us treat them as our neighbors.
More precisely...He would have us love them sacrificially.
He would have us love them in His strength...not our own.
He would help us to see their needs.
To see past their behaviors ...and into their hearts.
He would have us address their hearts.
To pursue their hearts.
A few nights later...I received this. And my heart was so happy.
If you've been unkind...repent.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
I was abandoned. Uncared for. Abused. But then love came around and I've got a safe place. I'm with a loving family who wants me and loves me. I think I am and I know I am. I struggle with taking that for granted. The anger. The lashing out. I always come around but then sometimes it flips back. (re: the character) She's a lovely and beautiful girl. She has a strong heart.
People like me need to be shown what love feels like.
My past does not define me either. But to be honest...it's sometimes a stumbling block.
I think this is a powerful and moving film. It should be shared. It's bold. It's striking.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
This one goes out to one whom I love...
Monday, October 6, 2014
Friday, October 3, 2014
How Adoption Preaches the Gospel and Why We Must Let It
I think I might understand a little...the parents who get somewhat twisted or even very upset with people who fumble through adoption related interactions in less than ideal ways.
They are prideful.
They think highly of themselves during these moments.
They think they are doing right by protecting their kids from "stupid/ignorant/racist/mean-spirited/close-minded" people when they offer snarky responses or...just polite enough responses...and maybe once in a blue moon...they are.
But most of the time...it is them...the twisted parents who need correcting.
I think maybe the core of the twistedness has to do with an issue of identity.
Either the parent is struggling with their own identity in this whole adoption story....
...or they are SO AFRAID that their child will struggle with it that anything which might be a trigger...is given more power than it actually deserves or warrants.
The trigger might not even be a trigger for the kid...but it sure as heCk might be one for the twisted parent.
Walk with the Lord humbly.
Our kids are watching us.
A lot of people are watching us.
We are Christ's ambassadors here on Earth.
When someone fumbles...and asks some question awkwardly cuz your kid has different shaped eyes or something...
...smile and think...for such a time as this.
What a great opportunity to say..." I know...I know...I barely look anything like the Lord either...yet He calls me His own." then "Our family is a picture...flawed as it may be...of that very grace."
We have two choices.
We can either leave them smelling like something unpleasant...or we can leave them smelling like something attractive.
We ALL Smell.
What's your fragrance?
And here's another thing...
...if you think that your kid's adoption is natural...meaning anything other than supernatural...you might be tempted into thinking your own adoption into the Lord's household is natural too.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
10 Things to Help Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Child
Many families who are struggling with attachment for any significant length of time...will feel like rolling their eyes at this article.
It all sounds good and like it should work.
And in and of themselves...and even when combined...numbers 1-10 are all decent ideas.
We just know ...really well...how hard it can be.
Like I've said so many times before....try things.
Don't give up.
What comes naturally for some...doesn't come naturally for others. Sometimes...it MUST come supernaturally.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
I arrived at a lovely well-kept home ready to capture the early days of a new family with my camera.
I left a bit worried.
We have mutual friends and I thought about saying something...but never did. I could see that there was a community of support around this couple at this time and I trusted that the Lord would bring whatever needed to be brought to the surface to the surface.
I was concerned about attachment.
I thought about them often. And I prayed.
The Lord is so good. So faithful. So intimately involved with the goings on of our lives. With the overall arch of our stories and the page by page...paragraph by paragraph details.
This article...How I Gave Up Being A Perfect Mom.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
This is so raw & authentic.
Root it out.
Pain before healing.
Friday, September 19, 2014
If a baby is crying...I attempt to soothe the baby. It's the way I am wired.
And if a child is older and struggling...& stressed...continue to make attempts to soothe. Make efforts. Offer.
Give hugs. Give kisses. Tickle backs. Pat them to sleep.
Pop your head in their room and remind them they are loved.
Leave them a love note.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Are you the parent of a child who is apathetic?
I think we have all dwelled in seasons of apathy. We've all experienced it. Everyone can relate.
The enemy of our souls would have us stay put...and remain in a state of apathy.
The Lord...the Lover of our souls...would have otherwise.
If He is at work in us...He will move us from our state of apathy.
How God Cares For Those Who Don't
Coffee Pot Lessons re-post.
When the Lord said He would send a Helper...He meant it. I can honestly say that the times I have failed as a parent...are the very same times I have not been submitted to the Spirit. And as a wife. And as a sibling. And as a friend. And so on and so on.
Believers...any time we walk in sin...it's because we are not submitting to the Lord. We know this.
We all think our circumstances go above and beyond what others have or are experiencing. We can tell you why our marriage is harder. Why our divorce is okay. Why our temper is warranted. Why our harsh tones are justified. Why our resentment is appropriate. Why our disengagement is perfectly fine. Why our wall building is necessary. Why our loss is greater. Why our circumstances differ. Why our choices are beyond what ordinary choices call for. Why our vices are different. Why our OUR STRUGGLING KID is different than other struggling kids.
Why our responses are okay.
I get it.
Boy, do I get it.
"I may not wear rough garments or take vows and orders as an attempt to destroy sin, but I may still look to myself and my homespun remedies rather than to God and his remedies."
God's Sufficient Spirit
"Evangelicalism has been infiltrated by a worldly anthropology-psychology-theology that is diametrically opposed to the biblical doctrines of sin and sanctification. As a result of this accommodation, the church has compromised and hopelessly muddled the message it is to proclaim."