Monday, January 2, 2012

Why Dig Deeper

Not only does it get to the root of the issue, but time and time and time again, we see how secular psychology fails. The thing adults often think is the trigger for a kid with RAD rarely is. Case in point.

Christmas is full of those special behaviors.

At the end of a 4 day spiral. . .

It wasn't from one thing I would ever think of.

She was jealous. They had all gotten outdoor gifts for Christmas. Apparently hubby and I were praising a sibling MORE than her. She was jealous.

What would a typical child do if they felt that way? Draw your attention away to them, right? One-up the sibling? Better and brighter. "Look at me! I'm doing so good on my scooter! Mom, watch me do this! Isn't that great! My scooter is the best!" etc.

Kids with trauma seeing the positive attention to another do not seek out positive attention. They seek out negative attention because they want the positive attention. It doesn't make sense. When they start to heal and can articulate their issues, you can state it back to them.

"So, you saw that he was getting positive attention (previously explained and ID), you were jealous. Instead of trying to get positive attention, too, you chose all of these (listed) behaviors that led to this negative attention and disciplines."

Now, she will say, oh, that doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't. She is now agreeing that that was the wrong pathway. Then we identify the sin that was chosen. Pride, control, fear, etc. Hopefully quickly it will lead to repentance and restoration.

Once again I am reminded that we as adults can not superimpose our frameworks from healthy histories and experience on to their perspective. It is almost always wrong. Do not plant those ideas in their heads. They will just become robotic answers handed right back to you. Ask that the Lord would reveal the truth and prompt you to go deeper when the root has not yet been found.