I HATE YOU!

Do your children ever direct screams of, "I HATE YOU!!!!!!" at their struggling sibling?

Do they whisper, "i hate you" under their breath so that only their sibling can hear?

Do they tell you during quiet times that they hate their sibling?

The response must always be this...

I understand how you are feeling.  The Lord understands.

Hate is a heavy thing to carry.

Hating actions/behavior/sin is okay.  Hating people is not.

The Lord has made us a family.  Forever we will be a family.  He did not make a mistake when He made us a family.  He is in this.  

Our hatred exposes ugliness in our own hearts.  Wretchedness. 

We must hate only what the Lord hates.

We must turn our hate over to the Lord.

We will always be tempted to justify the hate we sometimes feel.  We will be tempted to give it living room.  Allow it space.  Tolerate it.  Even nurture it in ourselves and in others.

Fear not.  

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.          

1 Corinthians 10:13

Here's the really hard part.  Sometimes we can scream "I hate you"...without ever saying a word.  
The Lord knows.  And the person who is hated knows too. 

Cinderella Law

This  article reminded me of a past post entitled...Unattached Parents.

fatherless no more

When we are confused and our thoughts are murky...wait.  Pray...seek wisdom ask for discernment and wait.  Wait for the revelation of what the Lord has been moving us to all along.

Amongst all our noise...we could not hear HIM.  With a diverted focus we could not see Him.  In our emotion...He seemed far away.  In our hysteria...He appeared silent.

When He seemed close... we went forth with a sense of peace.  But what we actually heard was what we wanted to hear.  It wasn't HIM speaking at all. 

Here it is.  What He brought forth to my heart.

It came to me in this exact order.

Last night...while driving the streets near our cities skid row...they are not fatherless.  Our adopted children are not fatherless any longer.  Thank YOU, Lord that they have been given fathers. 

Later... just because we sometimes feel as if the children given to us are not gifts...they are.  Lord, YOU tell us they are.  They are gifts.  And feeling anything otherwise is us buying into a lie.  The enemy of our souls is the father of lies.  And, he is the enemy of our childrens' souls.  YOU tell us this.

Before bed...my prayer... Lord...please bring more to the surface of my mind.  Please help me to see clearly what You want me to see.  

While drifting off...we are to renew our minds.  YOU have instructed us to do so.   That means our minds are a battlefield.  Wars are waged on battlefields. 

Pre-dawn... our emotions do not need to proceed obedience.   We are to obey.  Like YOU  have told us to do.

And now...in the early morning...we are to take courage!  Believers, I AM is ours forever and we are HIS. 

On earth...our children are HIS to do with as HE sees fit.   They are gifts given to us.  And we are stewards of their lives FOREVER.  This we know because he tells us so.   

No returns.  No exchanges.  No re-gifting.  

Let us renew our minds...and in doing so...we will be transformed.  HE tells us so. 


And it's not just about Fathers.  Every member of our family has been challenged in this area.  Extended family too.  And some in our spiritual family.  

Confronted by the Lord...with what HE has to say  about it. 

Number 5

this article

ReMoved

This film.

I am heartsick. And I cannot stop crying. 

Ugliest Thing

"Biblical orthodoxy without compassion is the ugliest thing in the world." 

Francis Schaeffer

Food Issues

UPDATE:

Although this story does not mention RAD at all...I find the timing of my awareness of it interesting...given my last post.

________________________________

One of our adoption liasons is a friend :)  All these years later...I just love that!

She is a wealth of info...so supportive and has such a heart for adoptive families.  Today she

posted this 

over on her fb wall.

Hosanna

A reader sent me this link.

I am so grieved.  I do not even know how to process this.

 CHURCH....let it not be so of us!

and 

Hosanna!

Praying for this dear hurting couple (The Barnes)  and their hurting daughter (Anna.)

be a family

I received a comment from someone who is wounded by this post. 

Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry for wounding you.  Biblically speaking...adoption is a supernatural occurrence.  As believers, our adoptions into Christ's family are supernatural.  

I will go further here than I originally did and say...all believers...those raising biological children and those raising adopted children are in need of supernatural aid in helping them steward the lives the Lord has entrusted into their care. 

Adoption is a beautiful thing.  The love of the Lord is on display & even magnified through adoption. 

Blessings,
Dawn

 ______________________



Another re-homing article in the news. 

Desperate people do desperate things.

So many questions...so many complexities.

We know that believers are called to handle things differently than the world does.

We have wisdom that the world does not possess & we have resources that the world does not have.  Our well never runs dry. 

What does this mean for believing adoptive families?

What needs to be done?????...cuz something needs to be done...cuz lots of kids and parents are struggling & suffering. 

I've been processing.... with a Christian counselor...all of the above.  The church MUST rise up not only in adopting...but in supporting adoptive families pre-during-and post adoptions.  If we are to operate as a family...then we are to do just that.   Be a family.  Sharing and carrying one anothers' burdens.  Not just the joys.  Not just the homecomings at the airport...but the burdens.   And not just the pre-adoption fund raising burdens...the post adoptive ones too.    

We are all called to orphan care.

We are not all called to adopt.

DO NOT ADOPT unless the Lord is calling you to do so.  

Adoption is supernatural.  I am absolutely convinced.  And that means we cannot manage it in our own strength. 

Post Partum Depression

This article.

Not all kids who struggle with attachment issues come home through adoption. 

I was recently contacted by a woman...a wife and a mother who has been working with a counselor for years in regards to her own attachment issues.  She grew up in a Christian home.  Two parents.  Dad was a very successful businessman...a workaholic.  Mom was dealing with a traumatic history of her own and was not always emotionally available.  This woman struggled attaching to her own parents and then struggled with attaching to her husband and her own children.  

She has found a road to healing.   In Christ. 

It reminds me of this post about Post Adoption Depression.  

 

Beyond Hard

This blog post.

The Science of Neglect

Every adoptive parent/sibling of an adoptive child who is struggling to attach that I know has started out well.

Few of us stumble gracefully.

I am guilty of offering flatline responses.  They've come when I am beaten down...low on hope... and war weary.

So thankful that the Lord is bigger...and that He intervenes and steps into our failures.  Forgiving our sin.

 

Empathy

Ohhhhhhhh this is so good.  Cate posted it over on fb today.

We can talk till we are blue in the face about how much some of our kids struggle with empathy or lack it altogether...

but...

...if we are completely honest with ourselves...painfully honest...how many of us parents fail to show empathy towards our struggling children?

If they say..."I ABCDE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Do we say..."Bummer.  At least you have FGHIJ."

When they say..."I HATE everything and EVERYONE in this HOUSE!!!!!!!"

Do we say..."Bummer for you.  At least you have a family to hate.  AND A HOUSE TO HATE!!!!"

Believers with struggling kids...we too are struggling kids.  

I know for a fact that I lack empathy much of the time.

Perhaps you do as well.

___________________

The relentless & ever present struggle does wear us down.  I know.

And it is oftentimes after seasons of empathetic parenting that we snap and fail miserably.

Those times are great opportunities to model a turning from sin...REPENTENCE.

____________________

And....sometimes....the person stuck in the whole...is the one walking in sin and giving into the evil desires of their own heart.

The Theology of Adoption 3

I can't stop crying.

If you too need a good cry today...watch this.  

Closed Countries

Kazakhstan & Russia.

Struggling kids & families who are having trouble & trying to find help...and the downward spiral that grows and grows and grows into a huge thing...which nobody want to see happen.