A bit of quesadilla love.

Surprise Them!

I have had 4 birthday parties for my kids this year. 2 of the 4 were surprises. Now in regular world that is awesome, fun and exciting. In a struggling to attach world, it is too. It is also completely intentionally preventing sabotage. Someone else's birthday is overwhelming for a Radtastic. It is hard to not be the center of attention, selfless and see someone else be loved. It is tenfold that to have the attention on HER! The anticipation of what a party or event will be like or how they will feel or how people love them enough to plan for her, is just too much to handle. It will cause drama before and after the event. I saw this with the first party-not a surprise. So if you know you'll have to help them process the emotion of the event afterwards..... prevent the lead up drama by not telling them. Both times we had great days despite them not being prepared.

That being said I am all about predictability and structure. They know about the things that happen every day or every week. (Bible Studies, lessons, service). We also daily have regular meals, naps, etc. This is just something that has helped us with those special, super-disregulating, emotionally-charged days.

Doesn't really work for Christmas. Not only is every store decorated by November 1, but if you want to celebrate Advent, the anticipation is building for 24 days! That is a lot on their little hearts. Take everything slow. Say 'no' to more than you'd like to. If you have many things planned, spend lots of time resting, cuddling and relaxing when you aren't out and about. Pray for those little hearts. I don't think we'll ever know how much they are going through. Much love and a Merry CHRISTmas from our homes to yours!

Attachment Class/Bible Study

We're Super Excited about this!!!!

Interested in a 2-hour weekly session (4 weeks in January) by a believing Therapist with available childcare?

Please email us for details!!!

PHOENIX AREA

Oh, Daddy Knows that Game!

Last week, I hosted a party in my home. It was ladies only so children and hubby got sequestered to the back of the house. Everything he'd need for the night was there. He even had dinner back there for them. Our little Radtastic loves to control and manipulate, especially when we are separated. But my sweet husband has her number! He dished out 3 bowls of rice and Radtastic starts in about needing a particular bowl. He knows she thinks there is more food in that bowl=more love=higher standing in the family=more power or whatever her little mind perceives. So he gave her the bowl she wanted and THEN he gave another scoop of rice to sister. Welcome crazy cycle! Oh, but dear one, this is the bowl you asked for. You may not manipulate. Daddy loves you and provides for your needs. When you are finished with this, you may have more. Oh, the lovely attitude. It was hours of crazy because she didn't get control. But somewhere in her heart, we hope she is learning it is God through my parents that care for me. I don't have to care for myself.

I never want to see my kids disregulated. I don't want them to choose discipline. But it was...what's the word....affirming? encouraging??...that he got to witness the behavior I usually get all day. And then for him to be so attuned to her heart to keep control in a loving and firm way? Oh, God is tender, instructive, guiding and loving. He is working in our homes, if we stay focused on Him, to begin to heal the wounds that are festering and infected right now.

And how are YOU?

Okay, seriously back to basics, but so necessary.  Teach your child to answer:

"How are you feeling?"

I know you think I am crazy right now.  It seems so commonplace in our world.  We greet everyone from the grocer to our spouse with how are you?  But I am not talking about fine, good, okay.  But rather those scary unused words for RAD kids.  

Scared, disappointed, sad, tired, thirsty, angry, happy

Ask often.  Helping ID and talk through things with Mom can help divert some behaviors that would be expressed otherwise inappropriately.  

"do" LOVE

My hubby and I have been through enough marriage counseling...private/small groups/classses/seminars to recognize that this marriage stuff is hard work and often pushes us into uncomfortable places. We are committed to our relationship....the health of it....the strength of it....the growth of it....so we travel to uncomfortable places together. We have been taught and believe that LOVE is an action. And that even when we are not "feeling" love we are to "do" love. Most of the time...more often than not.... feelings follow obedience. It's as if the Lord uses our obedience to soften hearts....our own and our spouse's.

Well, isn't it the same with a family? Members are committed to the health of it...the strength of it....and the growth of it....so we travel to uncomfortable places together. Love is an ACTION. When our kids struggling w/attachment don't "feel" like being loving...let's say......giving a hug before bed....or.....waking up with a kiss....they should be taught to "do" LOVE. I promise....it works. Hearts soften. Feelings follow obedience. Try it.

Put your little one on your shoulders and and hold their legs securely.  Tell them to lift their arms high in the air.  You'll be surprised at how scary and challenging this is for your child.  We got the arms raised after awhile, but she was still bracing herself with her stomach.  

Do it again in a day or so.  

As she begins to feel more comfortable, try a little jump.

or a twirl.

or a run. 

there just might be a day when she trusts that you won't let her plummet to her death.  :)

Sent in by a reader. A little surprise love found in a Mother's.... Animal Cookie bag.

What usually builds trust?

Unconditional love.
Time.
Testing.
Truth.
Consistent firm & loving discipline.

What most likely destroys trust?
Conditional love.
Lack of patience.
Fear.
Untruth.
Inconsistency & exasperation.

If you have any more ideas....please feel free to add to the list.