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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

10 Positives

Recently I was asked to describe my kids by someone who doesn't know them. She said, "you know. what are their personalities like, what are their interests. you know." I honestly sat there dumbfounded for a good 30 seconds. I started to talk about my other kids while I was frantically multi-tasking in my brain to think of things for my RADish. Things flooding to my brain were.... well, like... she likes to manipulate people....or have total freak outs during lessons.... or fake laugh with strangers. Honestly. I know here that doesn't seem crazy but in other circles....like with this lady I don't know well, those were so far from appropriate answers. I wouldn't talk about those things with her for one but also because somehow it seemed incomplete. It had been a hard few weeks. Really hard. Like every inch of my body was feeling her emotional pain hard. I was exhausted. Her choices flooded my days and absorbed my nights. Fortunately, I could see that even having those thoughts did not reflect my desire to pursue my child's heart. I realized in that moment how focused on the behavior I had become that week. I had given the sin too much power in our home. This is a child--my child--that I am fighting for not just behaviors and a will I am trying to curb. But those were thoughts to be mulled over later. I had to give this woman an answer. I began listing a two things my lovey is naturally good at and changed the subject.

As I thought later about all of this, I sat quietly with the Lord. I repented of the ways I had not seen my child this week and for the distraction I had allowed sin to become. Then I listed 10 things that she was good at or growing in or had at one time made me smile over. It wasn't easy. The days have been hard. She seems to be in a horrible mood from the moment she wakes up til the moment she finally falls asleep. She doesn't seem to think about anything fun or happy. I need to help ID those things for her, though, and help her work towards honing those skills in her regulated times instead of her survival skills. So do it. As a part of I Thessalonians 5:18. When there are no warm fuzzy or easy days, choosing thankfulness and the child's heart and God's sovereignty refocuses our minds. 10 things you can thank God for in your child. Share in our comments if you feel led to help get other parents thinking and to delight in the child God has given you.

10 comments:

kayder1996 said...

That's a great post. It's a bit like teaching in that with kids who give you grief, you get so caught up in the negative, you can't see any positives and really don't see the child as a individual. As a teacher, knowing each child intimately was my goal. I always felt like I should be able to tell about the child's interests, strengths, things that made them excited, things that would freak them out, and the best parts of their personalities. I can see how families struggling with attachment would get so caught up in the struggle that they might lose sight of their child's heart. I love that phrasing "pursue my child's heart."

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

Thanks, great perspective. Again, I agree with you!

Anonymous said...

13 is hard - no matter what!

Bill and Christina said...

Well I don't struggle with "Radish" behaviors at this point in my life however as a stay at home homeschooling mom there are many times that the things they do that are not pleasing seem to find a way to the fore front of my thoughts and sight. So here goes..

D-man
1. talented with his hands
2. desires to live righteously before God.
3. Giving
4. servants heart
5. quiet
6. loves family
7. smart
8. thinker
9. gifted
10. wise beyond his years

T-man
1. loves God
2. full of life
3. determined
4. good big brother
5. smart
6. loves people
7. inquisitive
8. helpful
9. thinker
10. loves life

S-girl
1. wise
2. quiet
3. gentle
4. strong
5. giving
6. sensitive
7. humble
8. great laugh
9. loves the Lord
10. full of hope

E-girl

1. full of life
2. servants heart
3. sensitive
4. strong
5. gentle
6. loves the Lord
7. loves people
8. smart
9. loves to draw
10. loves to sing

R-girl
1. strong
2. fun
3. loves to laugh
4. loves the Lord
5. loves people
6. sensitive
7. full of passion
8. compassionate
9. tender
10. loves to draw and read

C-girl
1. strong
2. loves people
3. laughter
4. social
5. funny
6. smart
7. determined
8. loves books
9. joyful
10. full of energy

A-man

1. comdeian
2. loving
3. sensitive
4. caring
5. joyful
6. passionate
7. gentle
8. easy going
9. loves guy toys
10. full of life

Simply Moms said...

Awesome Christina!!!

Simply Moms said...

Anonymous-13 what?

Katy said...

What a wonderful post....I often find that the parents of the children I work with really struggle with coming up with strengths for their children, whether or not they have RAD. But it is SO important...you can often just see the children light up when they are praised.

My Gracie, who has made me a waiting mommy...
1. expressive
2. intelligent
3. resilient
4. loving
5. social
6. sympathetic
7. creative
8. a dancer
9. inquisitive
10.spirited

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

You've been nominated for a blog award at my site: http://beckyjoie.blogspot.com

Simply Moms said...

Girlie:

1. Forgiving
2. Everyone's cheerleader
3. Tries very hard
4. Spiritually Discerning
5. Friendly
6. Great smile/laugh
7. Cuddley
8. Honest
9. Passionate
10. Growing

Dawn

Anonymous said...

This is a good idea, not just for our kids, but for anyone that we know where the hard times outnumber the enjoyable ones. For my little challenge:

1. Vivacious
2. Forgiving
3. Persistent
4. Creative
5. Awareness of God
6. Artistic
7. Physically strong
8. Sometimes cuddly
9. Sometimes cheerful
10. Singer

I hope the "sometimes" count