One of the most challenging aspects of parenting a child who is struggling alongside siblings who are not...is the discipline factor. What works for the rest (or most kids) does not seem to work for this one child.
Now, we know we must discipline our children.... out of obedience.
Coming up w/clever "disciplines" goes w/the territory.
Try this one...
If you have a child who.... "fill in the blank w/an action/behavior/choice" which requires discipline...
....inform that child that you will be choosing their clothing for the day/week/month/year (j.k.)
Last week, I chose an adorable pink skirt and floral pink top for Girlie to wear to co-op. It was a lovely outfit. She looked very nice in it.
It's not that the outfit was ugly...it's the fact that I was choosing it...that drove her wild.
She tried a few times in her most honoring unsubmissive way possible....to reason w/me....explaining why the adorable outfit was not appropriate for her on that particular day etc.etc.etc.
Eventually, when she hit the Mom Brick Wall ...she submitted.
It was an awesome moment when she arrived at co-op to hear one of the other mom's comment on how cute she looked.
Girlie and I had eye contact. We shared a smile. I moved over and whispered in her ear, "Thank you for submitting....and because I am a good Mom...I chose an adorable outfit for you today."
I got a hug and then she ran off to class.
We've tried the ...here wear this TOTAL DORKEY LOOKING RIDICULOUS CENTER OF ATTENTION... WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE BEING BTW SO WHY THE HECK NOT APPEAR LIKE IT IN ALL IT'S GLORY??????.... OUTFIT out in public also....and because I am a good Mom...you get to wear striped socks and mismatched Crocs just to finish off the look.
There are many options available to us....in our arsenal of parenting tools.
If one things for certain we must remain consistent while constantly switching it up :)
Friday, February 12, 2010
Discipline Cleverly
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4 comments:
have done this! Sissy was once told her discipline would be I'd pick her outfit for the day. She escalated so I calmly said, "two days" she continued, I said, "three" she was in full rage, I just looked at her calmly and said, "i can make it a week." She stopped. weighed her options and decided that wasn't a price she was willing to pay. then I did as you did, I picked out a very nice outfit. Of course, it itched her and made her want to vomit (complete with wretching) and she claimed it was too small, too tight, to fluffy, too hard, too, too, too... I just ignored her and went about my business. She eventually calmed down and we never discussed it again.
unfortunately, we have done this one MANY times and it never became a behavior change for her.
I find this aspect of parenting our kids exhausting. Sometimes my brain just can't be creative and I run out of gas. So glad that worked for you.
this is a great idea! any thoughts on how to deal with RAD kids who won't quit spitting or kicking when another kid calls them a name? i am having a real difficult time "breaking through" in this area. i've been reading your blog and it is really helping. i posted your list of attachment characteristics on my blog last week b/c i never know how to explain it to people. thanks so much!
Hi Tracey,
I do find that Karyn Purvis' scripts on respect and do-overs help tremendously. We use the word honor in our home, but the same thing. The zero tolerance for dishonor would go both ways. The child that called the name is being dishonoring. And the child using their body instead of their words is also being dishonoring. Both would be disciplined. They both need to stop and redo the entire interaction.
The redo is the biggest part for our kids. They need the practice of healthy interactions as well as the praise for doing it right the second time.
HTH,
Cate
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