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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Hold on tight.....and......celebrate a small/giant victory w/me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! before it all disappears into thin air as if it never happened.  


Our girlie has always had a very difficult time w/laughing or smirking during very serious and sad moments.  The first time I noticed how inappropriate her reactions were...was during the funeral of a young boy in our church who died suddenly.  As you can imagine....every single adult in attendance was crying.  I watched my girlie in the rear view mirror during  the drive to the cemetery as she tried to suppress her grin and  my heart sank.  I was raising a monster (my fear/panic.)  She had no empathy whatsoever.  At least no apparent or obvious empathy.   We have a relative in our family who has many, many issues.  This relative is known to laugh at funerals.  At her own grandmother's funeral she sang, "Another One Bites The Dust" under her breath.   I was petrified...to say the least...to raise a daughter who might grow up to be someone similar to my insensitive, dysfunctional, very much disliked (yet loved) relative.  

Girlie really does struggle with this.  Her tendency is to laugh at the most inappropriate moments.   Like when the newborn baby is screaming with gas pains....or when brother is vomiting...or when Mom has a migraine.  It is not easy to deal with.  In the flesh...I want to return evil for evil.  I want to punish.  I want justice.    

My Mom, Girlie's Nana is going through some medical stuff.  Painful stuff.  Stuff which makes her cry.  Today, Nana cried....in front of Girlie.  Girlie did not laugh out loud....but she did smirk.  She tried to hide the smirk....but it was there.  Brother noticed and was highly offended. How could Girlie smirk?!?!?!?!?!?!?  What the heck was there to smirk about?!?!?!?!?!?!?

After Nana left, I pulled Girlie close to me and asked what she was feeling.  

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"  

Blank stare.

"I don't believe you. What are you feeling?"

Long Pause

"Mom, What do you think?"

"It doesn't matter what I think.  I know why you are smirking..... 

Do you know why you were smirking, that's the  question?"

Long Pause

"Why were you smirking?"

A quivering lip and the beginnings of tears.

"Because I love Nana and I'm worried about her.  I'm afraid."

Hug.

"Did Nana see you smirk?"

"I don't know."

"Well, if she did....do you think that maybe you might've hurt her feelings?"

"Yeah."

Do you want to call her?"

"Yeah."

Immediate relief.  She dialed Nana's number...which she knows by heart.

"Nana, it's me.  (shaking voice) I'm just calling to tell you that I love you and that I am worried about you."

""Thank you, Girlie.  I appreciate that," was Nana's response.

Here's the celebration:   No whiplash yet.  We've had a calm, peaceful home all afternoon.  Even though things could spiral downwards soon....they haven't yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MUCH MUCH MUCH to be thankful for!!!!!!!!!!!!  








4 comments:

Kathy said...

My youngest sometimes laughs inappropriately--like when someone gets hurt. She has no attachment problems so I'm not sure where it comes from. I just say, "The appropirate thing would to feel bad for (name)".

Yay for victories no matter how small.

Adam actually had fun interacting with the family tonight. He will probably continue tomorrow due to the holiday--then all you know what will break loose Friday when he panicks that he actually acted like he likes us.

Unspeakable Joy said...

how wonderful!!! we also have two inappropriate laughers, so frustrating! it's great she got to the root of it!!!

Bill and Christina said...

Some people laugh when they get nervous. But praise God for the smalliest of victories.

Simply Moms said...

Yeah, that laughter at inappropriate times is one of those socially inappropriate behaviors that so many people need to work on if the desire to build long, lasting, healthy relationships is there. Many kids living with attachment issues deal with it. As do others.

The behavior can wound so many. And not everybody recognizes the wounds that might be behind the behavior. It's like a cycle.....wound....wound....wound etc.

No matter where the inappropriate laughter comes from in.....it is damaging to relationships.

It's all about being intentional, isn't it? Going deeper. And deeper.