Friday, May 29, 2009


We would still love to hear some respite input!! What works, what doesn't.  I also want to know if those who use respite can answer how well it works.  Until then, we can all use a good laugh.  My husband sent me this today in the middle of a horrible, RADtastic tantruming day.


Bill and Christina said...

I am a foster parent and I have seen the very things that you all have been talking about and I must tell you that it takes both parents tag teaming to work through this and it is important to spend that time alone together focusing on each other as a couple. What we must not forget is Gods order of family. God, spouse and then children. I am not saying that you don't practice that order and I am not sure you even agree with that. But what I am sure that you will agree to is that neither of you can do this on your own. So with that being said..
Here are some things that you might want to try.

Try going out when the children are good and asleep. Now the problem with this is can I stay awake long enough. Well the day that you plan to go out I would rest that day. Put all chores aside and lay down and just rest after lunch pop in a movie and everyone lay down and watch it. We all know about mommy hearing so if you happen to dose off and one of your children get up you will hear them.

The other thing is to bring in help while you are there at home with your children. Some one that is willing to be consistant and a silent participant. Meaning they do a little house work even preparing meala nd allowing you to serve them to your children. If the interaction with others is what you are worried about setting your children back then this person or people are to just do what you two agree on but without interacting or engaging with the children and you will be surprised at the pressure that will lift from just that.

The other thing is to plan nights together at home. Give the kids dinner early(do things during the day that get them go and tired too) and get them into bed early and then when they are good and asleep. Have a nice romantic dinner together and dancing after of conversation by the fireplace or snuggle up and watch a movie. Plan times togehter really pouring into one another.

Pray together, nothing is more important than taking the time to pray together. It grows you strong togehter and deeper together in Christ Jesus. You must have unity to work through it all.

I know that I am righting a book. I am sorry.

The other thing is that if your children are okay with someone looking after their needs with you around then go on outings where they can be near by but someone else is tending to their needs. A take a long baby sitter if you will. Someone willing to do the work while you just enjoy your children or enve go on short outings or sit a distance from them while they play or whatever.

But I opt for the the ways that you can focus soley on you and your spouse but if you cant do that at this point then taking as much of the work out of your day as you can.

I understand the going away and the backlash being terrible after that but trial and error is the only way that you will learn what works for you and your little ones and much prayer for God to fill you with the strength and power that you need to do everyday what you need to do and we must never to forget to be Abraham with our children.

I hope that this helped soemone and that it all makes since. Remember always that we are not called to be perfect but faithful parents and you are all certainly faithful parents.


Anonymous said...

I like the staying-in dates when the kids are in bed. Another twist on that is to sleep in the guest room, so it's kind of like a hotel room get-away.

When we do need to get out - which is only once in a great while, we have another foster/adopt family nearby that has very responsible bio teenagers. Their duaghter has babysat for us, and very much understands the issues we deal with and is good about keeping our rules/schedules as consistent as possible(better than grandma, really). Kids think it's great fun to have her come and behave well for her. Although they have a little trouble the next day related to uncertainty of whether we're going to leave again, it's still worth it to refresh our relationship. I feel like we're better parents (refreshed attitudes & united front) for the breaks we get now and then.

Simply Moms said...

Thanks for your input! I think we need to be more intentional about the home dates right now... I think we are probably grieving those little things like being able to get a random sitter that RAD robs you of.

I think we also will need to get two sitters when we do need to get out. :(

Anonymous said...

As a point, these are important things to remember for all parents of young children - not just those who are adopted. Children need to learn that their parents are unconditional - that they will return when they say they will, that they will be safe in multiple situations and that others can be counted on as well. Marriage needs these little breaks to thrive. Parenting is an exhausting, full time, rewarding, wonderful job. So is marriage. Both need the consistent attention. Also, just a we adults sometimes need a break from our kids, they too needs breaks from us!