Respite

Recently my husband and I were challenged in regards to respite.  Specifically, that we aren't taking any.   The Lord took time to be with God, to rest, to be alone.  He sets an example of ministering to those that don't understand true love.  But it doesn't seem possible.  I think it is one way I feel like I am parenting a child with a disability.  I feel like I have a medically fragile child.  Sure, from the outside she looks like every other kid.  But the reality is she is vulnerable.  It is just emotionally.  We are parents that need special training, can't leave just anyone with her, are the primary caretaker 24 hours a day without break, that fear the condition may never improve, seek new techniques that may help but aren't readily accepted in the medical world, that are concerned with harm--maybe it is not the respirator failing that could cause damage or death, but the harm they can do to themselves certainly could, that have kids that cannot do what other children do-physically, socially, emotionally, that may never hear the sincere words I love you.  It is hard work.  You need a break.

Aside from moments of emergency/crisis, I can count on one hand the time my husband and I have been out together alone in the last year.  The reasons are manifold.  One, is free, licensed respite does not exist for children that came home internationally.  Second, the trusted circle around us has its own life/issues/challenges.  This makes calling on them regularly impossible.  Third, and most importantly, it is not worth it.  I know that sounds crazy--well crazy to people not dealing with it.  To you, beloved, you are just nodding your heads, I am sure.  We are not a child-centered family.  In. any. way.  We value our marriage.  We know that working on our marriage is essential-for us and for them! But seriously.  It is not worth it.  Even just a couple of hours away with a trusted family member leads to backlash and punishment from the little RADish for days.  It is almost like I would rather have "normal" crazy every day than a little break with super crazy for the rest of the week.  

We have put the children to bed and then gone out.  But it isn't always the easiest or the most convenient for schedules or energy.  But it is one choice, though, when someone is available to watch them.  People have said the more often they are left, the more they get used to it.  But that really scares me.  What are they getting used to, stuffing, trying to do on their own??

I think this is one of the crucial parts of parenting an attachment kiddo.  You do need a break.  not just as a Mommy, but as a couple.  Let's share ideas!!  What's worked for your family?