Saturday, January 29, 2011


We've had a bit of a setback over here. Girlie has been in a prettymuchalldayeverydaydownwardspiralwithoutmuchofabreak for approx two weeks now. I know what the triggerS were. That's at least helpful.

Trigger #1 Baby sister had 2 out of the clear blue sky, very frightening seizure like episodes er visit...and another hospital visit to see a neurologist.

Girlie did her best to put on a brave face...but just before entering the hospital room to see her sister...her voice cracked and she trembled, "Mom, I'm afraid...I want her to be okay." There wasn't time for a cuddle. I smiled and told her to be brave. She was as she entered the room and gave a kiss trying not to stare obviously at the IV which I know FREAKED her out.

Trigger #2 choked to death on a piece of roasted cauliflower. Girlie called 911 while Dad did the Heimlich.

After I was breathing again...we had a bit of a private cry together. She cried and cried and cried..."Mom, what would I ever do without you?"

She hasn't mentioned either incident since...but her behaviors are screaming, "I'm AFRAID!"

Over the years, I've seen time and time again that the spirals don't end until there is a verbalization on her part of the triggers.

She verbalized in the moments...which is huge and fabulous and great for her. There was a time when she would've lost eye contact & laughed out loud or tried very hard whilst failing to hide smiles/smirks during way inappropriate moments.

btw those smiles/smirks are so hurtful and drove me up the wall.

Identifying core issues is something Girlie has gotten very good at. We've practiced getting to the root of things and verbalizing what's discovered below the surface of circumstances for years now ....and she can usually put her finger on what's troubling her rather quickly. Lots of intervention from the Lord. Lots of intentional parenting. Lots of hard work on her part. Lots of growth.

She's totally twisted herself into a knot right now though...and can't seem to find her way out of the mess.

I try to keep my cool and offer hints like..."Gee...what do you thing your core issue is because obviously there is one?" ... or.... "Boy oh boy, it seems like you are having a difficult time. What do you think that might be all about?"...or.... "Wowsie, those seem like some pretty big feelings. What are they?"

She's working on it. It's not easy for some to realize that they love others. They might be able to say it...but to actually feel it...well, that's just frightening.

Big triggers for a healing heart.