Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Peace in the Season

So, it's day six of advent. Anyone else screaming into pillows yet? Why does RAD ruin EVERYTHING? I have kept my cool---most of the time ;) but it is getting a little crazy around here. I hate that there is constant tension all day long, especially during this season where I want traditions and peace to abound. And nothing ever makes sense. Their little minds are all twisted and awkward. Last night, for instance, I was going to let the kids stay up late (I know, bad idea to push a RADish) to watch a movie and have hot cocoa. Totally fun, right? But the sabotage queen must come out. Fun, joy, peace, family time, snuggles. They are like hot buttons for a RADish to have a total meltdown. I keep thinking at some point she will let the good in and enjoy us on some level. Not yet, clearly.

I make everyone hot cocoa, put on the movie and then go to put the baby down for the night. While I am gone, of course, conflict arises. While one sibling was in the restroom RADish drinks said sibling's cocoa. Now, most people would think, "oh that's just a mean-typical-kid-thing." Here's why it's not typical. Once you dig deeper into the thought process behind the emotion behind the action, you find things aren't close to being typical. Their entire worldview and framework from which they operate under needs to be altered. It is deeply rooted in entitlement, self protection, and a desire to control others.

It is not okay. I hate bullying/unkindness of any kind. Oppression is always disciplined. A desire to be the idol of our home is always disciplined.

Here is what RADish said. "I saw that when you gave us our cups, she (sister) was disappointed because we had more in our cups than she did. She was already ungrateful and sad, so I drank hers to discipline her." WHAT?! So, you know you have more and that your sister is sad and that she didn't complain even though she was disappointed and you decide to be the boss of her and steal her blessing and have more of what you already had more of?!

(Insert me banging my head against a wall here)!! So, here's my question for you. We have a loooooong time til CHRISTmas. How are you maintaining peace and joy for your other children this season? Me, I took my other kids on a date the next night. Just us. Dinner, hot cocoa, book store browsing. It was AMAZING. Great conversation, lots of giggles, lots of fun. It reminded me how fun being a mom is and how much I truly enjoy my kids. It was just the break I needed. . . that I need more of. :) How are you intentional about the season with attachment issues in your home?


Carrie DeLille said...

I found your blog at a pivotal moment in our lives. I am so thankful to see that you are Christians as well. Our 16 year old RAD son was just born again. His 18 year old RAD sister had fed him trash his whole life and he is free, but now we have had to separate her from the family to protect the other children. It's Christmas time. It's so hard and she has fooled so many of our once friends. I can't blame them, really for being manipulated, but they have never even come to us to discuss and see if anything she has ever said is true. I cannot wait to find the time to read your whole blog!

Carrie DeLille said...

I think for the first time in 13 years, the oppression felt in our house will be gone because of the boundaries we have set! It will be the most peace-filled Christmas this family has experienced in 13 years.

Simply Moms said...

Hi Carrie :) Nice to meet you.