Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Control Issues

Are you an adult with RAD tendencies?  Or do you know one?

It can be very frustrating to deal with individuals who have a need to maintain such a high level of control.

I went back and located a post that I had written a five years back and the thing that struck me the that I was once so hopeful.  

Today..after dealing with 5 more years of struggle in our own home and yet another adult ( RAD seems to find me) with obvious RAD issues ...I am a bit annoyed and somewhat over it.  

And you know what?  That's okay.

The person who is the struggling person is NOT the center of the universe.  The world does not revolve around them...their fears...their perceived needs...their tantrums...their drama...their spirals.

Dethrone them in your heart.  They love to be lifted on high.

Whatever the root cause.....sin is sin.  Sin is sin.  Sin is sin.

And sin only has ONE remedy.


Jean (Taylor) Hughes said...

I am a step mother of a 20 yr old young lady with RAD. She was diagnosed about a year ago. K was adopted from S. Korea She has lived with her mom the past 7 years.
Since learning of the RAD diagnosis, the extreme behaviors seen, especially in the last few years, make sense now.
We attributed her behaviors to the divorce at age 11 and a volatile mother's modeling.
Now we now RAD is really the root cause.
As K gets older the consequences of her RAD behavior is getting increasingly serious. She was kicked out of a Christian college last April for violating the code of conduct. Since then, she has made horrible decisions and doesn't take responsibility for them. What advice/help can you give us?

Simply Moms said...

Are you Christians? If so...speak Biblical truth in love. Address sin in love. See if she will see a pastor with you. Those dealing with attachment issues are very good at triangulation. They will try to divide and conquer.

There is only one remedy for sin. Submission to

<3 Dawn

Jean (Taylor) Hughes said...

Dawn, We are Christians! K lives 300 miles from us. I so appreciate your comment that Sin is sin is sin! So even though RAD kids use lying/manipulation, etc. as tools to keep control of their lives, it should not be excused. We are praying that K would come to the end of herself and fall on her face before Jesus. I also have 9 women friends who have committed to pray daily for K.
I have a couple of questions. Even if K was willing to see a pastor (which she is unwilling to do right now)my thought would be that most pastors are not skilled in area of RAD. What are your thoughts?
Also, do you know where we could find a professional who deals with adult RAD? I've found some on the Internet but how do we know which ones are good? Any good Christian therapists out there? We live in Lincoln, NE but would be willing to go anywhere in the U.S. when K is ready.
Thanks for your time! You are a blessing!

Simply Moms said...

I am learning more and more that many therapists are unprepared for RAD. I am personally at a loss as to offering much advice about "good" vs "not so good" therapists. Ask lots and lots of questions of your pastors/therapists. A wise one will know that those struggling with RAD will attempt to divide and conquer. They will manipulate/exaggerate and lie. Family therapy...with parents present would be a must for us.

I think you are doing the correct thing by opening up in public forums. Hopefully you will get some feedback from other readers.

One more in all things...the therapy world is a $$$ maker/taker.

And, therapy from a secular humanist worldview may not be the road Christians are to travel down. Just a thought.

<3 Dawn