2 articles

good article

and

good article

Sometimes We Get Angry

Control Issues

Are you an adult with RAD tendencies?  Or do you know one?

It can be very frustrating to deal with individuals who have a need to maintain such a high level of control.

I went back and located a post that I had written a five years back and the thing that struck me the most...is that I was once so hopeful.  

Today..after dealing with 5 more years of struggle in our own home and yet another adult ( RAD seems to find me) with obvious RAD issues ...I am a bit annoyed and somewhat over it.  

And you know what?  That's okay.

The person who is the struggling person is NOT the center of the universe.  The world does not revolve around them...their fears...their perceived needs...their tantrums...their drama...their spirals.

Dethrone them in your heart.  They love to be lifted on high.

Whatever the root cause.....sin is sin.  Sin is sin.  Sin is sin.

And sin only has ONE remedy.

Disruption

I remember one Adoptive Parenting Support Group meeting Cate and I attended together a few years back.

Nothing fancy.

Just a nondescript room filled with a bunch of traumatized adults sitting in a circle and pouring out their guts to total strangers.

Disruption....the word nobody wants to hear...never mind say out loud.

Shaun Groves is blogging about it.

Small Victories

We have many adoptive families in our circle of friends.  That means there are many adoption stories playing themselves out all around us.  Each story is different.  Each story will have different plot points.  Different character arcs.  Different climaxes and twists and turns.  Not all stories wrap up prettily or end happily...in this broken world we live in.

When one family we know passed on adopting a child who had been exposed to alcohol in utero...Girlie was affected by it.  It took some struggle & some time for her to process this information. Does that mean they would not have chosen her if she were presented to them?  We don't even know for sure that she was exposed in utero...but given her low birth weight and some of the struggles she has...it could be true for her.

She sees herself in another adopted child who struggles and she does not always like what she sees.  This can be a trigger.  This can set her off.

Another family we know has made some changes that are apparent to Girlie.  She is struggling with the situation.

She usually spirals when this sort of stuff comes up and it's days ...if not weeks...before she can identify what's troubling her.  I'll get hourly laundry lists of anything & everything but.

Even though I am more often than not aware of it myself...I never name the core issue for her...only push her to dig down very deep and find it for herself.

It's when she identifies what's troubling her and expresses what's going on in her heart...that I see evidence of healing.  Of growth.  Of progress.

Trusting us enough to speak her fears out loud.  It does not come easy for Girlie.  It is an uphill battle.

Small victories.  Praising the Lord for them.

Dig Deeper

what I mean by "digging "deeper"

Hope

I was up all night tossing and turning.

Worried.

Concerned for the future.

Distressed.

Anxious.

Over my morning cup of coffee I started to calm down.  For some strange unexplainable reason...a sense of hope began to rise up.  In my troubled heart.  Hope showed up.

Peace.

A super natural peace.

A peace that flew directly in the face of the evidence.

Girlie awoke.  She was softer.  I got a "God Bless you..." after a sneeze.  She sat near me on the couch.  She wanted to be close.  On my terms...not hers.

I'm hoping we are finished with the "crazy cycle..."  I mentioned nonchalantly.

It was the open door she needed.

"Yeah, me too."

After having her read the "Out Crazy the Crazy" post...I asked her to sit quietly and process her feelings and thoughts.

She immediately and instinctively tried to blame the spiral on some little thing.

"Pickle," I said.

Immediate submission.  She knew darn well that her trying to blame this spiral on something it was so not about...was not going to fly.

But unlike during mid spiral times..I had her attention.  I had her heart.  It was turned towards me.

I asked her to write down all that she was feeling over the past few days.

Girlie chose to go deeper.

She just now said, "Thanks for out crazing my crazy, Mom"...

... and she's writing her little heart out.

Hope.

Grief

This is an excellent article.



It reminds me of this post from 2009.

out crazy the crazy

I know you've heard it said before..."when all else fails...out crazy the crazy."

If they won't do their homework...shrug your shoulders and say "okay."  And mean it.  In fact, tear up all their previous work and toss their curriculum.

When they complain about you following through with the consequence they were warned about...let's say taking away an ipod for a period of time...fill the sink up with water and slowly slip the ipod into it while they are watching and huffing and puffing.

If they shout "EFFFFFFFU!!!!!!!!!!!That's bullsh*t!!!" in your direction ....shout back.  "Are you effin kidding me???!!!!! Is that all you've effin got??!!!!?????  That's  so effin dumb!!  What a dumb a** lame a** son of a beotch sh*thead a** wipe  mothereffing thing to say!!!!

When they yell in public....yell louder.  In public.

When they throw a tantrum....throw a bigger one.  Stomp louder.  Slam harder.

If they throw something.  Throw more things.

You might get some stares.  You might be misunderstood.  

You might lose your reputation.... or gain one.

How far are you willing to go so that your child comes face to face with reality?   With themselves.

Looking in a mirror.  Not always an easy thing to do.

When all else fails...out crazy the crazy.  It just might be the most loving thing you can do.

reminds me of a post from years back.....



*stay safe at all times

*  and a reminder...I've been at this for 13 years now...(when all else fails)