Saturday, July 11, 2009

Identifying Triggers

God's timing is always so amazing. I just posted on defining this Mommy love thing. Then tonight it was the root of a 24+ crazy cycle. I don't know about you guys, but I find it so hard to find the triggers. Sometimes I get "pretty" responses, but there seems to be something below the surface of the answers she has learned get reactions.

It went something like this. . . we were getting ready for bed and she was choosing very inappropriate behavior to communicate she felt the need to be in control. After getting her to a calmer place, we began talking about what was going on. She said it was because she was afraid at our friends' house for dinner. Tempting to believe, right? We were in a new place, maybe someone said something, etc? But then, so gently, I am reminded by the Holy Spirit that she was having the same control battles at lunch today and dinner last night. So I pushed her to go deeper. . . honey, I don't think that is what is hurting your heart. You were having a hard time all time today and last night. Can you think hard and be brave and trust me with your heart? After a very long time and lots of redirecting, she said it was because she fell yesterday. (I knew about this and she seemed ok) She said she was really hurt and wanted me but didn't tell me how hurt she was.

We talked it out starting with how Mommy couldn't have known she was hurt because when little girls are hurt, they cry for their Mommies. Or they use their words to say how hurt they are. Then the Mommies hug and kiss their babies. Awe and shock from the RADling. She wants and doesn't want that simultaneously. Can you tell me what happened in the orphanage when you got hurt? I am so sorry that happened. That must have been scary. But I am not a nanny in an orphanage. I am a Mommy. Your Mommy. And we talked and talked about what that means and things the orphanage taught her and how she was treating me like an orphanage worker. Most importantly how things would be different.

She apologized for trying to be in control of the family and not using her words. After HOURS of pursuing her heart, from tantrums and yelling to playful snuggles and peace, she went to sleep with a huge smile and promise to let me be her Mommy tomorrow.

Long post short? Define love, define family, define Mommy. Try to find the triggers--the first trigger to the cycle. Pray, pray, pray.


BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

It sounds like my day yesterday, too. We did the same thing and persisted with love and definition. I'm glad your day ended with peace as did ours. And prayer!