Thursday, July 2, 2009

Talk it out

My kiddos came home around preschool age from an international orphanage.  All of them have vivid memories.  Some have more of them than others.  As they shared pieces of them, I was beginning to see that their memories, dreams and thoughts of that place were impacting our relationships at home.  We've had to have some very straightforward discussions.  I think what is most important in talking with these wounded children is truth. The beautiful and the fuzzy right along with the ugly.  The truth of what they've been through so that the Truth can be applied for healing.  Some awesome starters for your older kids:
Do you want to talk about (country/orphanage)?
What do you remember?
Do you have any questions?  I may not have the answers but I'd be happy to talk it out with you.

I am not good on the fly all of the time.  So I always have a few replies at the forefront of my mind before initiating a conversation.  (how did that make you feel?, that must have been scary, what did you do?  who else was there?  do you want to know more about that?  If I was there, I would have...., let me think about that and let's talk again later).

If they seem aloof or disinterested, just follow up with a:
Okay, if you ever want to talk about it, just know I am here.  Talking about (your birth country, birthmother or O) does not make mommy scared or sad.  I am your mommy and I care about what goes on in your heart!

I think very often there are big feelings just under the surface.  The anger is coming from somewhere.  They need to find a safe place in you.  A listening ear is a good place to start.


Bill and Christina said...

Thank you for this!


Katy said...

These are wonderful ideas of ways to get conversation started about feelings.. Thank you!