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Thursday, October 8, 2009

RAD Fear

After speaking with a sweet, sweet friend yesterday (with her brand spankin' newborn son)  during a zoo field trip...I cannot get the message of this post out of my mind.

Here it is....

Many in the adoption world are living in fear of RAD.

Hear me again....

Many in the adoption world are living in fear of RAD.

Stop this immediately.

Stop this fear based existence.  

Your adopted child may never develop symptoms of RAD. The stress of living with messed up parents...anticipating RAD symptoms to pop up at every turn will throw everyone in the house for all sorts of crazy loops.

If your child does show signs of attachment struggles....move forward accordingly.

Take reasonable precautions, of course.

Know the warning signs.

Be intentional, always.

I've been around the block long enough to see some pitfalls that we all can easily slip in to when operating out of a fearful place.

Control Issues
Isolation
Shame
Anxiety
Distrust
Depression
Exasperation
Hopelessness
Manipulation
Sarcasm
Wall building
Regret
Self Protection
Anger
Confusion
Hostility
Denial
Apathy
Resentment
Bitterness 
Withdrawal
Lack of Joy

Parenting a child with attachment challenges is quite unlike what most of us are accustomed to or prepared for...while being very much like parenting a child without them at the very same time. Huh?????????? Does that even make sense? Know yourself...good & bad. Know your kids...good & bad. Test new things...try and try again...and never give up.

I am a hippie type. Therefore, it was perfectly natural for me to co-bath (younger years) and co-sleep w/my kids. All of my kids. Bio kids...and adopted kids. It is not something I researched and planned...or checked off on a To Do List. It was not scheduled. For me...it has always been organic...what feels appropriate and good. Comfortable. Correct. Have I had to be more intentional with Girlie than with the others? Yes, of course. But I have been myself with her. She has gotten Me.

Here's the good news. She knows me. The REAL me. The authentic me. Not the me I am trying to be.

The advice I gave to my sweet, exhausted, fearful friend....for whatever it's worth....

.....be the parent you are created to be. If the need arises...be that sort of parent in the Struggling To Attach World. 

It's like being you on steroids. 

Superpower You.

Here's the hard part. We can say with our mouths that we trust the Lord and that we are not operating out of a place of fear. But our actions betray us.



5 comments:

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

I agree. Two primary pitfuls of adoptive parents are: 1. Fear of RAD 2. Worship of RAD. Yup, I said it. That to which we surrender our minds/hearts is that which we worship. Just a thought.

I'm not saying we ignore RAD either. Just that in trying to do what's best for our kiddos, RAD sometimes gets out of perspective in our lives when we need our focus on the ONE who is worthy of all our attention and devotion. Ok, people who read this, don't hate me.

Simply Moms said...

BeckyJoie,

Oh my goodness, you and I are so on the same page with this.

Dawn

Bill and Christina said...

Thank you for your post! Full of info. and thought provoking words of wisdom.

Simply Moms said...

yes. yes. yes. well said, Dawn. An eloquent reminder of the little ways sin creeps into our homes... especially when one so loud tempts us from the One who is on the throne.

~C

Brenda said...

Very well said!!