The Ugly

THIS ARTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot help but weep at the humility and the transparency in this article. What a blessing to struggling families.  What an encouragement!

It overwhelms me...to think of the enormous blog community and church communities and adoption community who join together...linking armor as it were.

Ephesians 6:10-18

I know I must be rambling here...but things in the above article triggered memories of past posts.

 This post.

And this one.
 
And this one.  

And this one.

And this one.

And this one. 

Intentionally Blinded


Christians, the Lord has given you a child to care for.  He has entrusted that child into your care.

He created that child.  Knit him/her together in their birth mother's womb.

That child is HIS to do with as HE sees fit.  You are stewards.

We are stewards.

Even if you acted in your own strength and adopted outside of His will...following after your fleshy desires...He has allowed the adoption to take place and He will redeem your situation and work things together for your good.

If you have sinned.

Repent.

Confess and turn back to the Lord.

If you did not act in a sinful manner...maybe you are simply disappointed or wounded?  Hurt by the Lord.  Angry with Him?  Pissed off beyond belief.

He knows.  

He has given you the Holy Spirit to be your guide and He has given you power and strength to deal with whatever is going on between you and HIM.

Obey what He tells you. Listen to HIM.

Trust.

Walk humbly.

Adopted - The Film

I believe this is a very important film.

I just finished it....not even two minutes ago.

I am crying like a baby.  

This I know...when we find our identities in anything or anyone else...other than in Christ...we will suffer and bring suffering upon those who are near and dear to us.

As adoptive parents...and as Christ followers...we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

We are to speak the truth in love.  

We are to love sacrificially.

And unconditionally.

We are to love those whom the Lord entrusted into our care with an everlasting love.



 

Attachment & Marriage...also Vulerability

Some good thoughts in this article.  

How I wish everything attachment related was filtered through a Biblical worldview though.  

The adults I know who have struggled with or are struggling with attachment issues...bring those struggles into every one of their relationships.... eventually.

To one degree or another...they struggle in their friendships...in their workplaces...their communities...with their siblings and family of origins...with their children...and with their spouses & in-law families.

Some relationships really bring out the ugly.  Usually...it's the more intimate ones.  The ones that dig deep & push past the surface.  The ones that are more difficult to manage...the ones that have the capacity to trigger fear on some level. 

This attachment thing is like a big flippin' merry-go-round...or a roller coaster.  You ride the ride ..... till you've had enough and decide to get off.  


Before you can heal...you must recognize that you are not well & in need of healing. 

We all bring wounds into our marriages.  Many of those struggling with attachment bring deeply buried ones into theirs.   If that's so...it follows that the struggles spill over into the in-law families.   Mother & father-in-laws are affected.  Aunts and uncles are affected.  Cousins are affected.  Grandparents are affected.   Generations suffer. 

Unrighteous judgmental attitudes...harshness...unforgiveness... bitterness...persecution complexes...manipulation...control issues...apathy...indifference...fear...fear...fear...it's all fear based.  Fear of losing control.  Fear of vulnerability.  Fear of being known.  Fear of being fully known...and fully loved.

For the one struggling, the need to control their environment is so fierce (feels like a life or death battle) that everyone in close proximity suffers. 

It's a hot mess.

And it's a sin issue.

The closer we walk with the Lord...the more our attachment struggles disappear.

Those who are struggling to attach might appear to be struggling to attach to a person/s...but it's really a battle with the Lord that is being waged.

It's HIS battlefield.  He's chosen the participants.  

As believers...we are required to engage according to His rules of warfare.

Anything else...brings HIM dishonor. 

The Power of Vulnerability

epic failures

A friend posted this over on fb and it spoke to me. 

He cannot not love His children. 

Oh how we fail our children.  Sometimes...for whole seasons.  Many times.... daily.  Oftentimes...hourly.

Lord, help us to love like YOU love.

Take our epic failures and make something beautiful out of them.  Redeem them for your glory.  Please.

10 Things Adoptees Want You To Know - Article

Lots of good stuff in here. 

As adoptees understand the details of their story, make sense of their feelings and triggers as they relate to adoption, they can cultivate resilience and learn to respond rather than react -- a skill that offers more freedom of choice in day to day actions and provides an overall sense of well-being.

Christians Defending the Fatherless

This article. 


"And so one of the things that distinguished the early Church from its pagan neighbors was the way it cared for children—all children, both newborns and orphans.
The Christian alternative was summed up in a fourth-century document known as the Apostolic Constitutions. It read “Orphans as well as widows are always commended to Christian love. The bishop is to have them brought up at the expense of the Church and to take care that the girls be given, when of marriageable age, to Christian husbands, and that the boys should learn some art or handicraft and then be provided with tools and placed in a condition to earn their own living . . .”

As believers...I think we would all agree that our role as parents...requires us to train up our children in the ways of the Lord.

We are stewards of their bodies, minds, and souls.   We are stewards of their hearts.

Many of us go through a dedication process...standing in front of our church family...expressing our desire & commitment to steward well.  And our church families promise to help us in the task of coming alongside and raising up our kids in the fear and knowledge of the Lord.  We commit publicly to exposing our children to the gospel on a regular basis.  To giving them every opportunity to hear truth and see it modeled in our own homes and in the homes of those we do life with.

When dealing with behavioral and emotional issues...when dealing with sin issues that are problematic...we can be tempted to turn to the world for answers.

The world...if opposed to Biblical teaching...can offer us no true or lasting solutions.

We are not after behavior modification.  We are after the Lord's business.  And He is after heart transformation.   

Are your struggling children in therapy?  If so...make sure that they are hearing truth and not some counterfeit.

Are they surrounded by brothers and sisters in the Lord who know them fully and love them fully?  If not...they will be looking for love & guidance & and finding it in all the wrong places.

And Jesus said to them, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." And they were amazed at Him.
  
Mark 12:17 

Accountability

This is a good article.

Even though many of us are not dealing with the issue of autism...we are dealing with the issue of accountability.

A Higher Standard

And...Spurgeon reminds us that we are called to a higher standard. 

Indifference

I know I have talked about apathy before.

Sometimes you need a little reminder.

This week I got a call from a friend.  Humbly and transparently...she shared the struggles she is currently having with her child.

We talked for a while and I shared my struggles with her.

We processed out loud together.

What would the Lord have us do?  

Well...He would have us treat our children the way we ourselves would want to be treated.

At the very least...He would have us treat them as our neighbors.

More precisely...He would have us love them sacrificially. 

He would have us love them in His strength...not our own.

He would help us to see their needs.

To see past their behaviors ...and into their hearts.

He would have us address their hearts.

To pursue their hearts.

A few nights later...I received this.  And my heart was so happy.  

If you've been unkind...repent. 

ReMoved / Guest Blogger - Galilee

I was abandoned.  Uncared for.  Abused.  But then love came around and I've got a safe place.  I'm with a loving family who wants me and loves me. I think I am and I know I am.  I struggle with taking that for granted.  The anger.  The lashing out.   I always come around but then sometimes it flips back.  (re: the character) She's a lovely and beautiful girl.  She has a strong heart.  

People like me need to be shown what love feels like.  

My past does not define me either.  But to be honest...it's sometimes a stumbling block.  

I think this is a powerful and moving film.  It should be shared.  It's bold.  It's striking.  

Memes again

And more memes....

 

No Man Is An Island

This one goes out to one whom I love...

More Memes

Memes put things into a nutshell.  I like that.

We ALL Smell

How Adoption Preaches the Gospel and Why We Must Let It

I think I might understand a little...the parents who get somewhat twisted or even very upset with people who fumble through adoption related interactions in less than ideal ways.

They are prideful.

They think highly of themselves during these moments.

They think they are doing right by protecting their kids from "stupid/ignorant/racist/mean-spirited/close-minded" people when they offer snarky responses or...just polite enough responses...and maybe once in a blue moon...they are.

But most of the time...it is them...the twisted parents who need correcting.  

I think maybe the core of the twistedness has to do with an issue of identity.

Either the parent is struggling with their own identity in this whole adoption story....

...or they are SO AFRAID that their child will struggle with it that anything which might be a trigger...is given more power than it actually deserves or warrants. 

The trigger might not even be a trigger for the kid...but it sure as heCk might be one for the twisted parent. 

Geez...People...relax.

Walk with the Lord humbly.

Walk gracefully.

Our kids are watching us. 

A lot of people are watching us.

We are Christ's ambassadors here on Earth.

When someone fumbles...and asks some question awkwardly cuz your kid has different shaped eyes or something...

...smile and think...for such a time as this.

What a great opportunity to say..." I know...I know...I barely look anything like the Lord either...yet He calls me His own."  then  "Our family is a picture...flawed as it may be...of that very grace."

We have two choices.

We can either leave them smelling like something unpleasant...or we can leave them smelling like something attractive.

We ALL Smell. 

What's your fragrance? 


OH

And here's another thing...

...if you think that your kid's adoption is natural...meaning anything other than supernatural...you might be tempted into thinking your own adoption into the Lord's household is natural too.

Hence...the pride.