Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Newborn Myth

Maybe you have stumbled upon us and are curious.  Maybe you are having challenges with your child and can't find answers.  Maybe you brought your baby home at day one and can't imagine the trouble you are facing now is related to attachment.  You may see a child that came home at 5 or 6 years old and assume the age or would be the greatest factor in attachment issues.  But this is what we know, attachment struggles are not specific to adoption (a biological child with trauma/neglect/divorce can show attachment issues, too), age of adoption or birth country.  There are certainly things that can happen/not happen to lessen the chances of issues.  In the end, though, there are too many variables to make boxes.  

As we posted before, the older child adoption is sometimes blessed with a honeymoon period.  Not so much for the child to bond to the parent, but the parent to the child.  With infant adoption, although there is no promise of secure healthy attachment, there is a unique blessing.  You are given this sweet beautiful baby that needs you and is adorable even when they wake you in the middle of the night with shrill screams.  You are living the attachment cycle over and over again each day.  Meeting your child's needs has hopefully attached your child to you as it has certainly attached YOU to your child.  Those are yummy moments to hold on to in the difficult moments.  However, don't let the precious memories God has allowed blind you to the possibility of a child's hurting heart.  There has been loss.  There has been trauma.  The behavior you are seeing now may be because of it.  Please hear me.  I am not trying to superimpose a label or problem on your child.  I just want you to consider what may be below the surface.  Visit for attachment symptoms in infants.  


Steve Eimers said...

Honeymoon period?

Dr Keck in a conference we attended called this the "stalking the prey" period.

We didn't get one we got thrown straight into the fire!

Simply Moms said...

Hi Steve! I hope the boys are settling in well! We have talked at length (with each other) about that "honeymoon period." It could be the child is on her best could be the parent was blissfully unaware of the issues being attachment related. You certainly went in with your eyes wide open!! We'd love for you to share any strategies that are working for you guys!!