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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Coffee Pot Lessons

Our girlie who has attachment struggles has broken 1/2 dozen coffee pots over the course of the last year. She doesn't break them intentionally....at least.....I don't think she does. They shatter when she is grumpy about doing her chore...the dishes. In her frustration....she loses focus....lacks intentionality and haphazardly tosses things around and slams them down. Inevitably...there's broken glass and no caffeine for Mama.

Here's the good news.

This last time....just a week ago....I was upstairs checking my e-mail when I heard a shatter from the kitchen. I did not react.... like usual......... but ignored it instead. I'd like to think I was practicing self control....but in all truth, it felt more like like apathy.

Within a few minutes....our girlie had climbed the staircase timidly and was standing at my bedroom door sheepishly. She made eye contact immediately and held it the entire time we spoke. She started with a quivering voice and I think I saw the beginnings of tears/genuine remorse..."Mom, you are not going to be happy about this," was what she said.

"You broke the coffee pot," I responded without emotion.

"Yes....(deep breath) because I wasn't being careful and intentional about what I was doing"....(then)...."I'm sorry."

No signs of a lurking angry outburst. No hint of the Blame Game.

Just.....sorrow. Plain old remorse.

I've tried everything. I've had her pay me back....clean up the glass herself...added chores....put to bed early.....hollered...given the silent treatment....broken down in tears....etc. This time I simply looked at her and said,
"This is ridiculous."

She nodded in agreement.

I never told her what to do in order to make amends. I offered no solution to the ongoing problem. On her own....with zero leading form me....she cleaned up the mess she had made and finished her chore without complaint. Since that day, she has offered to give me money towards a new coffee pot. She even searched one out while we were at Walmart buying "school" supplies....and then again....while we were at Walgreens. Obviously, this coffee pot problem is on her mind. She has a conscience! She wants to make it right!

Honestly....I'm thrilled. If it takes a half dozen broken coffee pots to somehow initiate growth....bring them on! If only we could look at each frustrating season in this light as we are living through them. Convicting.


Here's the second bit of good news. My darling hubby arrived home from the office with a new French Press and a bag of java for Mama. Our girlie with attachment struggles is not allowed to touch it. Never ever. She must still do her chore....washing the dishes...but my French Press is OFF limits. And just because we love our girlie....she gets to save her money and spend it on something fun....like a new Webkins or lip gloss.

4 comments:

Accidental Mommy said...

It's funny, but I feel so proud of your daughter!

Maybe it's just funny to me. lol

I think that's terrific that she's done all that to show that she cares.

I have one who breaks everything. She didn't know her strength and like everything in her life she thought things could be manipulated and forced.

After five new faucets, a showerhead, a dishwasher, two refrigerators, her bed, blinds, etc... She makes an effort to be more aware of what she is doing. We still have to remind her that if something doesn't work there's a reason and she needs to find it.

I guess I'm proud of your daughter because she actually offered to pay for it and looked for a new one for you at the store.

That is so impressive. You're doing an excellent job.

Simply Moms said...

Yep, us too. The bed...the drawers...the cabinet door...the soap dish in the shower...the list of broken things goes on and on. My hubby's Honey Do List is quite long :)

But...things are getting better and I have more hope now than despair.

I am proud of her too :)

Brenda said...

Oh this is good. I'm so glad to hear she took a big step....now with mine when they take a big step it generally frightens them and they lash out for a few days. Maybe she won't. (((((((hugs)))))))) to a great mom. Oh and I have never used a French coffee press. I don't really know what it is!

Simply Moms said...

French Presses are great. You boil water...pour it over a few scoops of coffee sitting at the bottom of the press...let it sit a few minutes and then compress. Lovely, rich coffee. And it feels fancy :)

We always do the one giant leap foward...two cha chas back dance. I'm ready for it...but hoping it won't come if you know what I mean. Isn't amazing when we awake with hope in our hearts? That must be a gift from the Lord because on my own....I cannot muster any.