"What a journey. I love that the Lord doesn't reveal everything at once. I think if He did we would all just fall down and die. He is so good to us in that He gives us blinders when we need it and removes them when we are ready. What would we hesitate to do...or even fail to do if we knew it all up front?"
Listen. Listen. Listen. The Lord has given us our particular children intentionally....for very specific...and particular reasons. If we are Spirit led...and seek His wisdom...He will reveal to us what is best for our families. Not all advice/information/techniques to assist in our parenting or offered to foster healing will feel right. Use what does. Do what works. We rocked in a rocking chair...went back to bottle feeding...went back to diapers....etc....before we even knew what RAD was. Had never read a word.....but knew deep down what was needed. He will whisper to your heart...what must be done.
There is so much info on RAD out there. A caution to Christians...we want to make sure we are building our homes on strong foundations while not tearing them down at the same time with worldly methods. Seek Him first....and red flags will begin to pop up. He will show us what is not lasting and what is. And if you get off track for a season......turn and get on track again. Don't cry over the bunny trails.
I'm off to the pool w/the kiddos...but I have one lingering thought...What might the Lord who loves us be trying to teach us through RAD trials? Could we possibly be unattached/struggling to attach children ourselves?
Our Father wants desperately for us to look full in His wonderful face.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A Caution to CHRISTians
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7 comments:
I think the attachment problem is mine. She wants to snuggle and says "mommy put your arm around me." I roll my eyes and do it. Why does she annoy me soooo much! What evil monster acts like that. The way she asks for things, the way she kisses, the way she smells, the way her hair is, the way she walks, the way she laughs, the way she eats, the way she crys,it all bugs me to pieces! I try to not show her but i know she notices at times. What is wrong with me????? I realize it has to do with me and it's my selfish problem. She is the innocent one. I have prayed over this for years. I have chosen to love her but the feelings have not yet come. I hate the feeling of loving someone without the feeling of love. Is that what we call selfless love?? Am i greedy asking for those feelings? Arent those feelings of love from the Master of all love. I keep telling myself the feelings will come. But what if they dont? Is that my story...."How to love a child you dont love?" Is that where my life lessons are? It's like inviting a fly to buzz around your head for life and trying to enjoy it.
Great thought provoking post!
Thanks Dawn
Christina
We desire that "natural affinity"....that "feeling" of love.
There can be true love....even without it...but it is okay to desire it...to pray for it....to fight for it.
Dawn
Simply Moms said...
Anonymous,
I understand completely. It is okay to ask the Lord to give you a "phileo love" for this child of yours. It is normal to want one. That feeling of natural affinity.
I am praying for you.....for feelings of warmth and affection...for warm fuzzies.
Of course, we cannot put our feelings above what we know to be true....but we were created to feel....to live with feelings...to share ourselves passionately.
As Christians dealing with RAD issues....it's often easier to offer "agape" love.... than it is to admit that deep down, we desire something different...alongside the self sacrificial...unconditional...agape love.
Attachment is a two way street. Many don't speak of the loss felt when they are not attaching to their children. You are brave. Your transparent and broken heart is understood. Keep giving it to Him. Fight the flesh. Do what is right....even if the feelings are not there. Pray for the feelings. Wait for them. Hold onto them when they come....even if they are far and few between. Hold on to them fiercly.
Two hard questions. Are you disappointed in the Lord? Angry with Him? If so, tell him.
Your trouble might not actually be with this child.
Mine isn't.
Dawn
wow, so glad i found your blog! you have a great perspective! i'll link to you so i don't lose it! we've spent so much time trying to figure out what God would have us to with these kids and nothing's really clicked until we finally "got" the love/fear idea and our home is much more peaceful and hopeful, and Godly too. i look forward to reading more from you, thanks!
joy
Oh my goodness; someone else has the same experience as I. My child feels like she is suffocating me and yet never seems to get enough physical affection. One of our other adopted children is at the other end of the spectrum; she does not want any physical contact and I long for a hug from her...No wonder I feel schizophrenic. I hope we can make some progress with both children.
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